I can’t keep living like this

This anxiety is absolutely awful. Every time I have my appt coming up it’s plain stress the day before and day of. I barely slept last night all I can keep thinking about is there not being a heartbeat. I swear it’s like ptsd or something. It’s completely consuming me, and not in a good way. I need clothes but can’t get myself to buy them because I just think it’s not going to last. I’m really not sure what to do. After my appts I’m good for a day or two and then it’s just pure anxiety. I keep trying to find the heartbeat on the Doppler because I found it so early last time and now I also have that convincing myself the baby is gone. I’m almost to the point of saying I want it to end.