Sorry about the ramble but please bear with me as I need some advice or maybe reassurance.

When I found out I was pregnant I felt the normal mix of emotions (bearing in mind the pregnancy was planned) - I was happy, scared, anxious, excited! I was also really shocked as I expected it to be a long process for us but we were lucky to fall after just 3 months of being birth control free. 🤭😊

Soon after find out, I started to become increasingly anxious about the pregnancy (this is my first) and read into my lack of symptoms and started googling. I found out that not having nausea meant I was more likely to miscarry and I ended up having an early scan at 6 weeks after some spotting. Baby was very small but an early heartbeat was seen! 🥳💜 At the scan, I measured 6 days behind (and although I expected to be put back a couple of days after late ovulation and implantation) and I wasn’t really given any reassurance about this. Again, my mind went into overdrive and convinced myself it was because there was a problem.

I had my 12 week scan date booked in for when I was 12+5 and tried to focus on that. Of course, I still didn’t have any symptoms other than fatigue; my boobs hadn’t changed size or got sore and I was still barely nauseated, had no sickness etc., so this caused me to turn to Dr. Google once more. I found loads of articles and stories about women who had missed miscarriages and didn’t find out until the 12 week scan that the pregnancy was no longer viable and baby had sadly passed away, sometimes weeks before. So, for weeks this plagued my mind and it was all I could think about and I was convinced this had happened to me.

Fast forward to yesterday when I had my scan - I was so nervous after I had convinced myself it was all over. BUT everything looked normal and I just felt relieved. I measured only two days behind (exactly what I expected) and baby had a strong heartbeat 💗 We saw them wriggle around and just felt amazed to know this little human was growing inside me and was healthy and strong!

Now I’m feeling more content about baby but have started obsessing, once again, this time over gender. I’m not sure if it’s wishful thinking but I’d convinced myself it was a girl. After the scan, MIL (who is also desperate for me to have a girl) told me that she thinks it’s a boy. She has 3 boys and so does her sister, so no girls in the immediate family (on husbands side). MIL said she had no symptoms with her boys, like me so she’s convinced that’s what we’re having. When I learned this I googled nausea and boys and it checks out. If I’m honest, I am so disappointed 😔. Obviously it’s all speculation and there’s no way of knowing before 16 weeks and that’s if I choose to have an early scan otherwise it’s 20weeks (uk don’t do the gender blood tests as far as I know).

I feel so crazy and I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or not, but I just can’t help but think about anything but this pregnancy. My work is already suffering and I don’t know what to do to help myself and my brain calm down. Any advice?