Why is this so common but people are so oblivious?

Question

So apparently miscarriage is insanely common and we just don’t know because people don’t always share it... ok, got it. 
But if it’s so common, why don’t people know how to react/be understanding, etc?
My dad died of cancer when I was in second grade and people didn’t know what to say cuz kids aren’t supposed to lose their parents that young.  Ok, but I was able to deal with it and move on and the mention of him doesn’t make me a wreck. 
If miscarriage is so common, why do I feel like I’m trying to cover up a mental illness?  Why do I feel like some of the people who knew about it act as if that baby never existed? Why don’t people understand that this pregnancy has turned me into a wreck because of what I know can happen?

Answer

Because it is one of those things that has been shoved under the rug for generations. It was considered a "woman's problem." And society didn't care about or care to hear about or discuss women's problems. That, coupled with the fact that while 1 in 4 women experiencing it makes it common, it also means that those other 3 women of the 4 don't really get it because they haven't been through it...and let's not even talk about how many guys don't get it, regardless of how many of them have been through it with a partner because their experience is different since it didn't happen to their body. (Not saying they can't be affected or upset by it...just saying it is different.) Couple that with miscarriages themselves being vastly different...some being bleeding and clots after a positive test...some being the passing of a 14 week old fetus...some causing hospitalization, some needing d and c, some not giving any signs until a woman finds out there's no heartbeat at her appt...And couple that with the fact that people grieve differently and there could be a huge range of emotions associated with miscarriages (guilt, anger, sadness, relief if the pregnancy was unwanted, fear, etc)...I can see why people have no idea what to say.

Answer

This 👏🏻. Exactly how I feel. Miscarriage is so common in yet people hide it. I lost my father from cancer at 19. We talk about him all the time, and people reach out on the tough days like his anniversary and birthday. But I only talk about my miscarriage with my husband, Mom, and close friend. It’s like to everyone else it never happened. And now my sis in law is having a sprinkle shower today for her THIRD girl due at the end of the month and I’m expected to show up happy. 😔 I’m throwing a baby shower for my best friend of 20 years in February, when my due date would’ve been feb 19, and I’m suppose to act like everything’s fine. This season is a hard one, but just know that you’re not alone. My miscarriage was in July and I still feel like posting it on Facebook to spread awareness of how common they are. I’m hopeful that when we do have a successful pregnancy, I will have the courage to share our story. Baby dust to you, and like I said know that this community is here for you and you are not alone 💓

Answer

It was so hard telling people about my first pregnancy in the first place. It was even harder to tell about my miscarriage. Up until I announced the second pregnancy, most people I told about the first one didn't know I lost that baby. I was never excited to tell anyone about either pregnancy. And for reasons that sound dumb to most people.

Answer

It’s also because those that have not experienced it don’t understand it at all. They just don’t get it whatsoever. It doesn’t even cross their minds until it actually happens to them.

Why is this so common but people are so oblivious?

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