Where does confidence come from ?

How are girls so confident.. I feel so awful about myself an self conscious I’m very awkward and I don’t really know how to act when I’m around people because I don’t really have friends at all an the ones I do have I automatically think they hate me or something because I’m not funny or know how to keep a conversation going or anything really. It’s almost like I feel like I’m stranger to even myself I’m just living in someone else’s body or something. I wish I could be pretty & out going I’m also insanely jealous I have a bf an I just look at girls an think wow this is more his type or I bet he wishes I was like that instead idk 😐 something is wrong with me idk how to change. I’m posting anonymous because if I post who I am I’ll just get the same response when I’ve tried to talk about it with family Or etc . An I don’t need fake “ your pretty’s” I don’t want to be told I’m beautiful I want to feel it.