Would this piss you off or am I overreacting?

Question

So my husband works, I don’t. I take care of everything at home. Cleaning, cooking, all that. I do sew and sell on Etsy which brings in some extra cash but it’s really just a hobby to me. Anyways my point is I don’t have my husband doing anything when he gets home ever. I like to have everything done, dinner cooked when he gets home so he can relax after work. Well I have had a short, 3 day trip planned with my sister and best friend for the last month for a girls-getaway. Before I left, I asked my husband if he would keep everything picked up. I pre-planned his dinners and lunches and had it all packed up for him so all he had to do was keep his things clean and warm up his food. That’s it. 
So I get home today from the trip and I walked into the house and it’s a disaster. Im talking dirty dishes in the living room, dirty clothes on the floor. He left out food on the counters that went bad. It’s awful. 
I’m just really irritated because I never ask anything at all of him. I always go out of my way to do whatever I can for him and I ask one small thing, just to keep his basic things picked up when I’m gone, and he didn’t do it. He just left it out for me to clean up for when I got back home. When I have to unpack too. I feel so unappreciated and my feelings are hurt. 🙁 Am I overreacting?

Accepted Answer

As angry as that would make me... it’s not like you didn’t enable him into this sort of bad behavior. You don’t have anything for him to do when he gets home so he isn’t used to cleaning anything. He’s basically a spoiled teenager. Did you really expect him to keep the house as immaculate as you do?

Answer

Yes absolutely. It’s not fucking hard to wash some dishes, throw rubbish away and pick up the hoover. Your husband sounds like a lazy dependant waster, regardless of whether he works 🤷‍♀️ 
But to a certain degree you have enabled it because he expects you to do everything for him. I would stop expecting him to come in and relax after work and start making him help out. Doesn’t have to be much, just dishes after dinner or something, just so he can *actually* appreciate what you do. He is damn old enough to know better and treat you with respect but he chooses not to. His attitude needs to change and if has to come from you putting your foot down.

Answer

I would be furious and best believe I would make him clean it!

Answer

It would piss me off...but I’d have to take part of the blame for it. We all know how people work and if you constantly take care of his every need, he will stop feeling like he has to. It’s not pretty but it’s human. I wouldn’t get your feelings hurt though. It’s likely not personal, just a habit thing.

Answer

Yes this would make me pissed off. BUT then again you do everything for him and as I’m aware, you said it was your husband? Not your child. He should put in his part regardless of him working or not. This happened to me once with my husband when I was pregnant with our first child. 
Him and I were living with my mom, so we lived together in a 2 bedroom apartment. I had my induction and we went, it ended up in a c-section. My mom was abled to take time off work and he wasn’t. He was there for the delivery of our first but couldn’t stay in the hospital with me due to work. My mom and I were there for 4 1/2 days. He stood home that whole time (besides work) we didn’t plans meals for him or anything. So he ended up going over to my aunts to eat dinner. She lived on the other side of the complex so it wasn’t really an issue. ANYWAY, when he had time he would come to help with the baby, go home to shower ect then work. MAN when I tell you. My mom and I came around 1pm at home after being discharged. He was still asleep because he had work. We tried calling him for hours, nothing. We opened the door to the apartment and BOI was that shit a pig pen. The dishes were STACKED, I mean STACKED. He used every single plate, spoon, cup. Clothes everywhere, towels, my room was a MESS. We had dogs and he didn’t even bother taking them out on their walks (they took 4 a day) and their was piss and shit EVERYWHERE, it smelled sooo bad. Our rooms toilet was clogged. The full 9. My mom was soooooo pissed. I mean PISSED. He swore to me when I was in the hospital that he was keeping up with things and he lied and didn’t. I had to stay outside with the baby as my mom bleached the place, in pain, and she MADE him help. 
Now we don’t let him just do nothing. He works a 12/14 hr job and he still comes home and does stuff. He gets it done before 8 so he can relax in bed till 9. Don’t let them get comfortable. He’s not your child. Let him put in half the work even though he works, compromise. But if he did the mess MAKE him clean it up!! I can’t tell you how many times I go out to run errands and he makes a mess with our girls. I refuse. I will literally stand there and watch them clean it all up till it’s done how I like it/left it. I’m a stay at home mom too but at the end of the day we’re not maids.!! 🤷🏼‍♀️👌🏼

Answer

You’re allowed to feel how you feel about it, but this is how you’ve been living with him. You’ve been catering to him and you can’t expect him to change his lifestyle be as clean as you just because you left for three days. This is why you should expect more from your man on a daily basis and not do everything for him 🤷‍♀️

Answer

I’ve learned to just let these things go. Men don’t seem to notice the mess the same way we do. This used to drive me insane because I do work full time but I still do all the household chores and do practically everything for him except wipe his ass. My shweeties job does have him working long days quite often and very physically demanding, and really it only takes me maybe 30 minutes at most to pick up after his hurricane going through the house. It seems like they don’t care that you put all this effort in and it’s literally two seconds to wash a dish as opposed to it sitting there getting food stuck to it over days, but they just don’t think about that and I’ve found it’s just way less of a headache to just do it myself. My love would rather go do some chores outside than clean up. I spent a lot of time biting my tongue, then eventually losing my mind about the slightest mess and now I just realize it’s not worth it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

If your man doesn't help before then what do you expect . You kinda enable him hell if I left I wouldn't do anything for him he's grown ass man he can cook

Answer

Yes and no. I'm a stay at home mom as well, but my husband will help when needed. However I'm sure if I left he wouldn't keep it clean like I do. Heck he would probably burn the house down! Lol but in all seriousness, it seems like he just got lazy. Like he just expects you to do it all so why should he have to do anything? Do I think you're overreacting? Not really, but it's nothing to work yourself up about. I would just tell him how you're irritated, and that it would be nice if you could get some help.

Answer

I’d be annoyed but honestly he prob didn’t think about it. He’s used to you handling everything so it might not come naturally that he should wash his dishes or anything like that. I wouldn’t make a big deal though

Would this piss you off or am I overreacting?

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