Advice?

Question

Okay this might be long so I apologize in advance 😞

My husband and I have been together 5 years, married for 5 months. We have a 2 year old boy together. We are both 23.

Well since I had my boy and being a stay at home mom and all I have let myself go a little. I just don't get up and curl my hair and put a full face of makeup on like I used to. Most days I will get dressed by wearing a cute top and jeans and throw my hair up in a pony with no makeup. 
So you can say my self esteem has dropped because I'm not putting in the effort to feel good.

My husband has told me before that it doesn't matter to him blah blah.
That's great. But now I don't get compliments or anything anymore.

Now onto my problem.

My husband works long hours in law enforcement and whenever he is home late at night all he does is sit on his phone.
Facebook, instagram, snapchat, etc.

It bothers me and I've said something to him but he really doesn't care.
Aside from the fact that all of his attention goes to his phone when he's with me and our son, here's where my problem lies.

And please tell me if I'm overreacting?

A few months ago and looked through the people my husband follows on instagram. He follows like 500 pages. All of them were just "sexygirlsofIG" "cutecountrygirls" "girlswhoworkout" blah blah you get the point.

Well it really broke my heart to know this is what he's looking at. So I brought it up casually and just asked if I wasn't doing it for him anymore and why he feels the need to look at other girls all day. He had every excuse in the book that he wasn't following them etc and deleted the pages.

Well that hurt my self esteem even more, and I've been trying to work past that.

Well last night I saw he's following 500 pages again and looked through them. Again it's the same thing just tons of gorgeous women with tattoos and dark hair like he likes and cleavage and constant ass pictures etc.

I went to bed so hurt because again, why do you need to be looking at that all day? Especially when you are home with your family that is all your looking at? It hurts me so bad and makes me feel worthless and ugly.

Am I overreacting because it's a social media site? Or should I say something again?

These days I feel like social media can hurt your relationship so easily.

I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you

Answer

this post hit home for me.
 I'm sorry you had to see that & that it caused you to feel the way you do. 
I been going thru the same thing with my man also... I don't think they mean any harm to us.
even tho it still hurts.
I'm a stay at home mom and full time student after working since I was 15 years old. 
the transition FOR ME has been hard. 
I still wear make up everyday. love my fake lashes and for sure I put foundation, bronzer, a shimmer highlighter and a little lip gloss on the daily. 
you have to remember mama, whether we like it or not... there's constant competition out there. even if we think highly of ourselves.. even if we are great to our men.. or are superwoman even.. there are woman out there that throw themselves at men.. there's always going to be someone out there that if we don't they will...
get dolled up for your man EVERYDAY.
wear some yummy lotion or body spray.. 
do your make up . I'm not saying have him come home to a prom queen but keep up with yourself. you said yourself you FEEL a little self conscience. you can look exactly how you'd like to. 
men are men. I look at beautiful woman at times and I'm like "wow she's bomb!" lol and  not even bi.. but I can admire a good looking female.. imagine a man. 
take it as a sign. ... to better yourself. mommy needs to look AND FEEL good about herself 😊

Answer

Maybe bring it up again but in a more serious manner, maybe he doesn't know that it hurts you as much as it does? :)

Answer

Definitely talk to him. I personally think looking at half naked women is disrespectful to you. Tell him it bothers you and you want it to stop. Also start caring about your appearance. It doesn't have to be all the time but would you be turned on if you came home to a sloppy husband every day? Yes there are days I don't wear makeup and wear t shirts and shorts but most days I put in the effort and wear makeup. Even if it's just the bare minimum. I do my best to look pretty even if I am wearing shorts and a t shirt. He doesn't expect it and has never asked me too but I do it because I love him and want him to come home to a put together wife.

Answer

This is something you two will have to keep discussing. Not just the Instagram stuff, but your underlying issues of attention and self-esteem. However, your self-esteem isn't his job to maintain. You need to work on yourself. Get up, get dressed, put on make-up, get to the gym if you need to. Confident people are more fun to be around.

Answer

I don't think you are overreacting. Us women do this.. It's just what we do..  But I would say you have to pick yourself up if not for him, do it for yourself. It's just like our hubbies, they do all these things to get with us after a while they stop, so it is up to us to remind them "this is how you got me, this is how you keep me." I know life kicks in and we have to take care of our responsibilities. That's why you make time, seat date nights ect.. So just how we remind them and show them, they show us and remind us. They just have difficult ways of doing it. So if I was you I wouldn't get mad I would use that as motivation to get and keep myself together. You don't want it to be more then just looking.. Good luck!!!

Answer

I don't think your over reacting but it sounds like he isn't mature enough those sounds like sites teenage boys would follow you need to talk to him about it

Answer

It is not ok.  Because you had the conversation and he did it anyway its not ok.  Ive been thru the same and worse due to social media.  Just found out he has been sexting an ex.  I told him multiple times i see it as cheating.  It happened once before and i said i would leave him if it happened again.  Now i have to make a choice to forgive or kick him out.

Answer

You don't have to change but I think it's important to keep up our appearances. Chances are it had nothing to do with your appearance. This could be TMI but what's your sex life like?

Answer

I don't think you're overreacting! He should be spending his time with his family not on social media and he definitely should be spending all his time checking out other women,   IMO. My fiancé and I went of FB after the new year because we were spending too much time on it. It was the best thing we ever did and we don't miss it at all!

Answer

Wow you two are very young. Being together for 5 years is a long time. You shouldn't get used to bumbing it everyday. You should always look good for your man. Make him want you and make him only have your attention 
If you don't look good for him, even though he says it's ok, someone else will get his attention. 
When you two go out look fabulous that way he won't look at other good looking females

Always try to impress him.

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