Just can’t do it anymore
It’s been two months since I’ve returned to work. My managers were really great about my schedule and allowing me to pump. But it was very obvious to me that it’s not something I can manage long term. I’m not one that can balance everything. I’m either not good at work or I’m not good at home. It was too hard to be away from my baby. My schedule was 10 hour days 4Xs a week, with about 2 hours of commute time daily. My second week back I asked if I could move to a location closer to home and go down to about 20 hours a week. This was promised and I could leave a soon as the holidays were over and they would get someone in my position. About two weeks later my manager put in her two weeks. With her gone I was stuck because filling her position was more important than mine. Now here I am and every time I ask when I get to leave it’s another week. I now am working more hours because I’m the only full time person, the other manager isn’t even worried about filling my position. She also mentioned in passing that my new position will be about 32 hours. Which isn’t what I asked for. I’m so exhausted, it’s getting harder to leave my baby but I also barely even have the energy or patience to care for her when I am home. I want to just walk out but financially it’s not an option right now. I’m also so stressed about my milk. My supply is fine but I’m not able to pump often enough so I’m not bringing home enough milk. She’s eating more than I’m bringing home. I had extra stored before I returned to work but it’s not going to last. This alone makes me want to quit. I’m totally just venting because I feel bad talking to anyone else about this. I’m at a breaking point. I just don’t know what to do.