I know I didn’t explain to much in the last post but it’s because it’s a lot but here we go ....

Me and my girlfriend has been together since 8th grade technically but there was a time period that we were separated due to living my living situation and how my life was . We are both 20 years old now with a daughter that is 2 years old and will be 3 in March .

Before me and my girlfriend made it official and were actually dating dating towards the beginning of sophomore year I sat down and I thought to myself “ man soon you’ll be graduating and I really don’t want to have the so called ideal life of having girls in and out etc I want a family I want to have a wife “ and I knew the only girl that I ever felt that way towards that I knew I could trust who was different and not like other girls was her . So when we finally sat down talked and made it official , I thought to myself about all these romance movies and all the negative things other girls say about their man and what their boyfriends don’t do . So i wanted to be the best man for her . I would send romantic text in the morning letting her know how much she means to me how much I love her and that I care about her and I would do the same every night before bed , bring her flowers all her favorite snacks , go on dates and when she needed me when she would go through things with her family I would have walk a 2hour walk to be there for her and vice versa , but as time went on she started doing it less and less , she stopped seeming so happy when I came around , didn’t really care if we seen each other or not , she seemed less and less interested in wanting to have sex . So I did start feeling very insecure about myself and would question her feelings for me . And every time that it would come down to me wanting to talk to her about these feelings she would ignore me, tell me she doesn’t care , tell me I’m talking to long and she zoned me out . So yeah I’m not gonna lie after her doing that to me for so long and nothing was changing , it turned from me talking to me yelling and from me yelling to me threatening to leave to me threatening to leave to me bringing up and comparing our relationship and what it was becoming to what we used to be what she used to be. And sometimes I may say things to hurt her feeling like being up other girls because I would think that if I made her feel like she would lose me that we would go back to how we were . But it never happened it just made things worse . So then I refused to continue giving her my love and my affection etc if she wasn’t going to give it back ( Now that I’m older I understand that’s were I fucked up at ) but when I changed and treated her how she treated me all it did was hurt her and cause her to feel the exact feelings of negativity towards me that I began to feel towards her , then it began .... the endless cycle of me feeling some way her feelings someway and waiting for the other to fix the others feelings . But she would always tell me she wanted to break up and didn’t want to be with me nomore and then would say she only said it because she was angry weeks later . When I would ask her why did things change. She would tell me it’s because she only did it to get me because there were other girls who wanted me . But that she does actually want to be with me and love me . And I’ve heard from other women that that is what most women do in order to get the man they want . But sometimes they’ll stop once they feel secure . And then it would change from that to it’s because she grew up and isn’t young anymore and then would change to it’s because she suffers from anxiety and depression etc . So then eventually I got to a point where we are finally in our senior year and I let her know that maybe we should break up but I didn’t want to do it until after we graduate because if I see her at school ima gravitate to her and want her back and will be hurt . But later on that night when we calmed down we started chilling playing and I squeezed her nipple lol and milk came out , as a joke I was like “ew you pregnant “ and then it dawned on me hold up ? Oh shit she’s pregnant and I was kinda happy because around this time things were really bad so it’s like okay maybe this is why we’ve been on edge . So yeah she was pregnant and we were so happy again I loved taking care of her and we was still young and just excited . Now I know majority of this post it’s sounded nothing but like negative but in between all those arguments and conversations , we can really be the best of friends . We both love anime and would watch anime together go on dates every once in awhile and make VivaVideo and flipagrams every once in awhile , we would still cuddles and have some amazing sex at times and there would be weeks and sometimes months were we are perfectly happy and fine . But fast forward we had our daughter now I didn’t feel as if I was able to engage with my daughter all the time . It seemed like everything I would try to do like feed her or change her or hold her to out her to bed was always incorrect in my girlfriends eyes . To where one day our daughter was crying and I just wanted to be the one to calm her down . But every one wanted to take her from me. My mom and my girlfriend . And then it escalated to the point where my girlfriend called me a bad dad . So that shit hurted . I’m a young black male and most young black males wouldn’t want this responsibility and would ghost the girl and left her with the baby but I’m actually trying even through our issues . To where as time went on with us.. well my girlfriend raising our daughter I would always be left with specific instructions and judgments when it came to our daughter . So I start backing off and doing less and less . I stopped changing diapers and really attempting to do anything unless she asked me to and barely then.... to where I started feeling like me and my daughter didn’t have a bond really .fast forward .....Now I am lazy I don’t like taking out the trash and I really don’t like cleaning but if she ask me to do it I will but in my own way . I don’t clean the same way as my girlfriend does ,her mom was the type of mom who made her scrub walls and every little spot . My mom only made me take out trash and wash dishes . But if my girlfriend asked me to do something other than those to things I would do them but at my own time but it seemed I wasn’t cleaning in the way she felt was clean so she would do it over herself and it’s the same thing with things with our daughter . As far as trash goes I would probably let the trash get to to bags and then take it out and that’s a issue for her ....... our daughter has epilepsy and it’s very stressful and we have different views on the meds they want to give her the time and dates on appointments etc and my girlfriend is a very good mom and can get things done it’s just it seems my opinion doesn’t matter when it comes to those things and it’s very stressful on the both of us and we are always at each other neck when it comes to her ....... we have been in counseling since this past April and things are way better off and on but when it comes to us fixing things to make the other happy it’s only temporary we lack consistency and communication at time and yes when we argue I would bring up the fact that she stopped doing things first when she would express to me how she doesn’t feel loved because I don’t do those things anymore and when she tells me how she feels I don’t understand it because I am a logical thinker etc .

The reason I made the glow is because most recently we got into a argument we were just chilling watching anime and gripped her boob and she said that she has to pretend that I was doing a intimate act because I never do anything intimate . And I asked her what is intimate to her and she went on to tell me things like , holding the door for her ,listening to her when she talks , cuddling at night , hugging her , kissing etc and I proceeded to let her know. Well whenever I try to cuddle at night she don’t want to either because she is to hot or I have my fan on and she doesn’t wanna get sick or because I’m too heavy to lean on her or if we get done having sex she really doesn’t want to be held anymore like she used to . I do hold doors for her and for others who walk In as well . When I try to hug her and kiss her she would complain it hurts to lean up and do it and it seems like it’s a bother to her and sometimes she lets me . And I admitted yes I can start listening to her more instead of thinking logically because now I realize even if it doesn’t make sense to me and it seems fake to me it’s real to her and that’s all that matters.... and as the conversation intensified . I asked her when I try why doesn’t she accept it and let me make the changes she says she needs and she said because she doesn’t want them from me anymore she doesn’t want to be happy with me . Now this is one thing that confuses me because if we are doing good she says she is happy and want to plan life together etc but when things aren’t going her way or I make her upset or we argue it’s all these negative things . I know I’m not the best anymore . And she has explained to me that her main disappointment about me is that she still expected me to be that perfect boyfriend no matter what she stopped and changed on her end because that’s what she feels boyfriends Do and to a point I agree .

Now what can I do to make her love me and want me again