Heartbroken and confused rant

I have three boys and I really want another baby. I really dislike how some couples have all the luck in the world and first try they are sharing with the world that they are expecting. For my youngest it took a year and a half to finally become pregnant with my oldest(4) I wasn’t even trying I had a bad reaction to my birth control and the condom broke. All I want is the family of my dreams to just be able to wake up take a test and have it be positive. I’ve never got the chance to pee on a stick myself and see it read that I’m pregnant. I just want that chance in life to go home take a test and watch my husbands face go from a what’s this to omg I cannot wait for the baby to get here.😭😭😭