Today he left, my heart feels like a sledge hammer has had a field day on it. I know it's for the best, i really do. He's left 3 or 4 times before, but that was him leaving me as a form of punishment. I have severe anxiety, depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. Every other time he leaves, he makes false promises and I let him come back, I can't do that, not again, it's been 2 years of cheating, lying and countless black eyes, broken ribs, nose, fingers and eye sockets and regularly getting strangled until I pass out. It's also been 2 years of me being his. It was exhausting, not knowing from one day to another, who was ok for me to speak to and the next i'm not aloud to talk to my mum, pictures and phone calls every 10 minutes so that he was sure I was where I said I was. The abuse, the name calling, oh fuck that hurt more than the beatings. I've been sexually abused and raped at different stages of my life by handfuls of men, the first time being when I was 2 (I'm 23 now) I've never been good enough, I'm always the one to be get the brunt of it, I started trying to take my life when I was 13, had my daughter at 15. Believe me when I say, that girl is precious, she's so beautiful, she honestly deserves the world. She deserves her mum to be happy but it's hard. This is so hard, so so hard. In some weird twisted way, he was the first person that made me feel like I was needed/wanted, that I had a purpose. I've always thought my daughter would be better off without me, that she is way above and beyond what I could ever give her. Look at me ffs, trapped in relationships I cant get out off because IM scared how i'm going to survive, i'm sorry for the long post. I'm just lost, so so lost & I have no clue what i'm supposed to do, I'm used to just doing as I'm told and getting on with it, how do I become independent again? I'm so scared 😭