It took me 3 years but I did it. I’m sick of the verbal, mental, physical and emotional abuse. Sick of the possessiveness. Sick of the mind games and manipulation. I never want my son to think that’s the appropriate way to treat ANYBODY.

I’m also upset because I left our son with him for 5 minutes while I went down the street to my moms to grab extra ingredients I needed, and as I was coming home I saw him in his car and as soon as he saw me he ran inside and locked the door. I’m assuming to buy himself time to get the smell off him because he knows I hate the way he acts when he smokes, and I’m not against smoking weed! Believe me I’ve done it enough times in my life but it makes me so dysfunctional I wouldn’t dream of smoking then taking care of my baby. He’s not my favorite when he smokes either and it shook me to my core that he couldn’t watch our son for a few minutes without going to smoke. I need complete attention on him at all times!

Anyway, I know he’ll be taking me to court because he’s convinced he can take my son from me. He always told me that fathers are more important than mothers, especially if it’s a baby boy. Because they need to be taught “how to be a man” and apparently mothers can’t do that.

Another issue is he works overnights, so he comes home and sleeps half the day. I know what time our son wakes up because I was a SAHM for almost a year and I know his schedule. While I’m at work and text my boyfriend at 9:30 am (well after I know that baby is awake) and get no response for over an hour, I know he’s sleeping while that poor baby is awake in his crib, which is in our bedroom so he’s well aware he’s awake, just chooses to ignore him to sleep. So what I’m afraid of lost right now is what the future holds for court. I will be devastated if they give 50/50 because my boyfriend is such a lazy/lousy father. My baby would be tortured if he had to spend days with him all alone. I’m not trying to keep our baby away from him, I would be okay with a few hours 2 days a week, only if he could pass a drug test. But sadly with court, you don’t really make the rules. I hate that a stranger, who knows nothing about you at all, get to make decisions for your own child.