I need to talk about something pretty personal. I’m so conflicted. Let’s start with my current situation..

My current boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years now. Constantly, like 2 or 3 times a year, we go through this patch where he stops talking and seeing me and he blames me for everything he’s done (he’s cheated approx. 4-5 times in our past, I stopped keeping count). And as much as my entire life is intertwined with his, and I love him so much, I don’t trust him anymore, and it shows. He also doesn’t understand my mental health issues. He tells me that it doesn’t matter if I have depression, or anxiety, etc.. that I should be happy with him.

March of last year I reconnected with an old friend from school. We immediately had everything in common, we clicked, and it’s at the point where even if we don’t do anything behind my boyfriends back (I would never), I keep seeing things in this other guy that make me feel so beautiful and proud of who I am, that my boyfriend doesn’t.

I want someone who makes me feel like I’m worth anything I set my mind to. One that doesn’t make excuses or hide their feelings from me and then blame me for not knowing. I just don’t know how to let go of what I have and go after something so much healthier and beautiful. Should I even consider that having been with my current boyfriend so long? His family and him mean so much to me, but after him telling me he wants a baby in August, then ignoring me and not letting me come home the last three weeks, I’ve been staying at my moms and wondering if this is truly the kind of person I want a child with. Any input is welcome. I am so lost right now.