So sorry for the super long post, but I just need to get it off my chest.

So I’ve been with my bf, B, for 2 1/2 years. We currently live together along with my best friend and his SO in a two-bedroom apartment.

At the start of our relationship I really wasn’t looking to date anyone as I had just got out of a brief relationship with someone else. However, he managed to convince me to give him a shot. Soon after we started dating he took me to meet his mom and sister. Sometimes you just get that instant gut feeling when you meet someone that you’re not going to see eye-to-eye and that certainly was the case for me. The best way I can describe his mom is a 46-year-old trying to be a 21-year-old. If she’s around you and having a good time then she’s nice, but later on she will talk trash behind your back. Specifically, his mom would talk about me to B’s ex, who at the time worked at the same place as B, B’s mom, B’s sister, and B’s brother. Yeah that’s right, the whole family worked at the same retail store together. His ex and I do not get along whatsoever. Not simply because they dated, but because of the type of person she is, which is essentially a total drama-inducing homewrecker. (I’ve known her since high school, so I fully stand by this statement.) Anyways, time and time again I had to deal with drama and lies spewing from both B’s mom and the ex to the point where I became physically ill at the thought of having to go spend time with B’s family. Well with the start of 2018, after basically dragging B out of his mom’s house, I decided that enough was enough and that for my own sanity and well-being I wasn’t going to deal with it anymore, so I completely cut off contact with B’s mom and haven’t spoken to her or seen her since January that year.

As you can imagine that action caused a lot of animosity between my bf and I. He couldn’t understand how I could just write his family off like that, while I couldn’t grasp why after a year he didn’t have the balls to stand up for me. After a lot of fighting we just kinda put the situation on the back burner, deciding to move forward with our life at our new apartment, when suddenly B lost his job. He was out of work for a few months before he finally found a temp position at a local factory. We were finally financially stable again and by that time our current lease was coming to an end. This is when I talked to my best friend and we decided that all four of us would move in together to cut costs. At this time B and I also ended up co-signing on a brand new car because his old one finally died. So we moved in to our current apartment in July of last year. It’s a pretty nice place and I love living with my best friend, but being here with them has only reiterated how sad my relationship really is.

B basically has no personality whatsoever. At first I and many others thought it was due to shyness, but no, he just doesn’t talk. Whenever we meet my friends (he doesn’t have friends) he never really utters a word and instead stays on his phone the whole time. I don’t mind if someone is on their phone but I know it is rude to my friends. None of my friends understand why we’re together when they say I am a lot more talkative and energetic.

B also has hygiene issues, as in he never feels as though he’s dirty, so I all but shove him in the shower once a week because I find that physically repulsive and don’t want him near me when he’s dirty like that. He can’t understand why I don’t want to be intimate with him half the time and he gets super defensive anytime I bring up the showering issue. Now I just tell him that he can’t get into my clean bed if he hasn’t showered, so often he’ll just go off to the living room instead.

There is no sense of urgency with this man, whether it be showering or paying for a car ticket he got when he failed to yield the right away and got the left rear end of our new car swiped by another vehicle. That’s right. We barely had our car for a month when it got hit and his insurance has written up a check to have the car repaired, but the check has been sitting on the kitchen counter for over a month now because a) we don’t have another car to use in the meantime, and b) this man is lazy as hell. So both the car and the ticket have gone unfixed for a while now.

Now to the most offensive action of all — my dad’s memorial service.

My dad passed away November 19th of last year and B didn’t show up for the service. I asked him to be there to support me, but because he works night shift, he ended up oversleeping and never showed or called. I’m not defending his actions in any way. I was and am still devastated by the loss of my father and B’s total lack of response to it. I ended up calling B’s dad crying, a man who I don’t have a close relationship with, telling him what B had done. He said he would have a talk with him but no amount of talking can really solve this level of neglect.

Now I feel trapped in this relationship due to a) our lease agreement, b) the 6 year loan I co-signed for the new car, c) B makes significantly more money than me to where I can’t afford to live on my own, d) our two cats that he has already said he would take from me if we split, and e) I don’t have a license or access to another car to get back and forth from work.

I am lonely, depressed, and stuck wishing there was someone or something that could save me from my current situation.