I confessed

After a long heartfelt and deep emotional pulling relationship, I decided to enjoy my new scenery.

New state

New college

First car

Out of site out of mind

It didn’t work. We had so many ties that It was inevitable you weren’t going to just disappear. Just had to get used to your life being parallel to my own.

Then there was “Ashton”.

Cracked his first joke and enjoyed just being my laugh for the day.

Everyday

For a week

But you were just a stranger

No one I owed a conversation too

So I got bored

You trailed off somewhere and I didn’t notice

Weeks later you insisted we go bowling

I warn you I wanted to make nothing of our outing, just friends

You agreed

That night it was easy just not caring

Almost like we could have been old school friends

My perfect distraction

As more nights visited, the easier my words spilled to you

I keep you close but still keep my agreement firm

And you respected it

Nights became weeks weeks became months

1 bowling game became 2 games

Bowling became roller skating

Skating became arcades

To dinner and movies, drifting off to hours long night drives

You wanted to be my distraction

You wanted to listen

Always around

I think it happened when I finally gave in

Of course I was always free to hang out

“Wyd?” Becoming more frequent, waiting to see you again

Waiting to feel my cheeks glow with how much laughter and smiles you bring out of me

But I guess when you noticed

Some nights just became silent

You just wanted to hug

No words

Your bad days/ my bad days just became an excuse to be accompanied in each other’s presence for comfort

We spoke less frequent

But not once could a day go by, where you could not hear from me at least once out of the day ( my favorite)

I couldn’t understand,why you were being so distant?

Why you told me I confused you?

Why now that I have given in, you push back?

I just assumed we were taking it slow

Nope, just wrong timing.

New state, too late.

It’s your turn to move now. But not yet. Soon.

We’ll enjoy each chance we get

You’re busy now, I understand

Adulthood

5 months is all it took

You won me over

5 months was all we had

Not goodbye

See you later*

I’ll visit

And you did

It was the most excitement I had after I had seen you 5 months ago

You weren’t the same

You “missed me” yet timed my hug?

I enjoyed being with you while we watched movies and played with your dogs

But as quickly as you came, is just as quickly as you left.

Apologize were said but I fear never meant

It’s okay

It’s not okay

I cling to your words and the confusing web of lies you tell for hypothetical scenarios that you spoke of to keep me around

The guilt ate you and without hesitation you said if things were different

I wasn’t mad

You gave me a lot of laughs I would cherish for good time memories

A person who was meant to cross my path, a person meant to be around and lighten my day

I think it’s been 2 months now since I wished you farewell

Hmm.. how are you?

I couldn’t find you under your actual name I was given

But I did see you have a new name

And A new girlfriend

Congrats buddy

And you’re engaged ?!???

Since last year !

The year when I met you? During all our phone calls, night outs and getting involved, you mean to tell me you were committed to some one 4 years prior to me ?

Someone who you moved out of state with to build your lives together.

I’m speechless

I was your secret

You made me the “other woman”

I didn’t ask for this

My skin crawls with every sickening detail love and friendship we had

Does she know?

No answer...

I have to tell her for all 3 parties

- I want to clear my conscience

- he was wrong

-she deserved every right to know before dedicating her life with him

She wasn’t angry with me

I felt as if I didn’t tell her the right way

She understood me though

So Why do I feel so awful

Like I’ve been misplaced

As if I don’t deserve the truth

Why would someone so genuine be so careless to not one but 2 souls

I almost want to be in the room and know why

But I’ve said my peace

No more, “I’ll see you later”

Goodbye *