My younger sister told me today that’s she’s pregnant. Baby #2. That’s supposed to be super exciting news, and I told her it was so exciting. I smiled and asked a bunch of questions. I hung out for the rest of the afternoon. Then I cried the entire drive home.

Last year I had a miscarriage in January. Had another in May. Had laparoscopic surgery to remove some endometriosis last Friday and I’m still just bloated and sore, but feeling ready to “try again” next month. My journey has been shitty so far, but it is what it is. I should still be able to feel GENUINELY happy for my baby sister, whom I care about more than anyone in the world. I am so. Disgusted. With myself. For feeling this way, and crying, and feeling sorry for myself.

I know that I’ll come around and will love this niece or nephew as much as I love my niece. But right now, I hate myself for feeling this way. Anyone go through any similar emotions? How did you get past it?