Hey ladies! First off i would like to blow baby dust to each and every one of you TTC may God bless you all and you families with a beautiful bundle of joy💋💗💗💗 i lost my first baby the enx of 2017 and had a d&c jan 2018.. The news of hearing your childs heart is no longer beating is indescribable i was so broken hurt confused angry wrecked disappointed raged i had so mang emotions runnung through me and my mind that is was unbearable. The way my doctor told me hurt so bad his were: " We couldnt find your babies heart beat we did a handheld doppler and an ultrasound." me: "what do you mean?!?!?!?!?!" Him:"ITS DEAD IFS JUST DEAD!!!!!" (What a dick!l) 👈 smh my heart ached and a part of me died at that very moment i was indenial and went to get a second opinion and it was confirmed 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i would never wish losing your child on even my worst enemey! It hurts so bad to this day ive been trying to heal and cope and im making it but everyday it still weighs on my heart and my soul i yarn for my baby and it never gets easy. Im 12 days late for my period ive had taken 4 test withing the first week and all of them were negative. I went to the hospital this past sunday but they didnt tell me anything or give me any diagnosis. Ive been having cramping in my pelvis area mainly isolated on one side at times but sometimes just a dull achy pain in general in my pelvis. Ive been sleeping a lottttt and everyone has kinda noticed. I was craving cheese for like a week thats all i wanted on everything and just to snack on. My breast feel like they may be getting bigger and my mother has asked me if they are growing. Ive also been nausea and throwing up recently... I took test so know im pregnant but idk whats wrong every day i look for mt period to start but it wont. Im so fustrsted i want to know that i am normal so when i am ready to conceive i can. I feel like my body is fighting me or trying to trick me. I have pcos its hard sometimes to just even feel like a normal women most times. Im trying to stay hopeful that everything is going to be okay and that when God decides to bless me and im ready that i will have a a beautiful baby. Its so hard it may sound crazy but getting mt period on time each month is reassuring to me right now. I know thingz are working ya know? I just need motivation or words of encouragement. Im usually the one taking care of everyone and supporting them but right now i just need some myself. Sorry it's so long but if anybody out there reads this thank you.