My bestfriend She's 6 months pregnant as of tomorrow and it makes me so mad because she wasn't even trying and the guy she's pregnant by is an asshole and they don't even like each other . And to top the icing on the cake she wants me to be the god mother.I'm happy for her but sometimes I wish it was me. She knows how bad I want a baby. She tries to be supportive but I don't want to hear it. Every time I see a cute baby I just get sad and want to cry. I want my baby so bad that it's not happening. I have the names picked out and everything. I ask myself, how can I be so in love with a baby that doesn't even exist ? Just the thought of me being a mother and me loving my child brings tears to my eyes. Every time I get my period it's like a stab in the back. Like maybe this isn't meant to be. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother. And then I lose hope all together. Like I guess god doesn't want me to be a mother. I want to give up and be done TTC so badly. But just the thought of me knowing one day that I will have my baby in my arms keeps me holding on. I can't wait to tell my son/daughter about how much I wanted them, about how much I prayed & wished for them. About how much I couldn't wait to finally have a reason to live. I love my baby so much sometimes I cry about it. I will continue to see you in my dreams little one until we meet again and you're in my arms. Mommy loves you baby ( whoever you are) 😊😢👶👣 please tell me I'm not alone