How do you do it?

Question

I’m engaged and I have no children of my own but my fiancé has a son, he’s 11. I have been homeschooling him and we have him full time, he’s an amazing kid and I love him like my own. I have been a bit stressed out and moody lately and I talked to my fiancé about it so here it is. 
I wash the dishes, i wash the clothes, I clean the house, I cook I homeschool my step son, and care for everything else that’s asked of me. 
When I get all the dishes done it’s piled up by the end of the day like I have done nothing.. it’s depressing 
My step son ate through all his lunches for the week in a 2 day period so we had to restrict him since he couldn’t restrict himself and that stresses me out because I don’t want him to be hungry but I also can’t tell him not to eat something when he’s clearly hungry.. it also makes me look like the crazy step mom and that’s not my intention.. 
I feel like when I get everything done by the end of the day or next morning it’s all dirty again.. I’m just venting and I would like to know how you do it?, how you keep things tidy and feeling and smelling good and still have time for yourself.

Answer

Your stepson is 11 years old and home all day, he needs to be helping out as well. Teach him life skills like washing clothes, washing dishes etc.

Answer

The boy is old enough for chores and responsibilities. My mom taught me to do laundry at 10 and that was my responsibility. It wouldn't be inappropriate for him to do his own laundry or learn to wash dishes. 
I don't know how you discuss eating out of boredom vs eating because you're hungry with an 11 year old without giving them a complex. Especially since he'll be hitting puberty any day now.  Would it be an option to have healthy snacks out? Maybe a section on nutrition next year? You could incorporate cooking into his lessons. He'll need that skill too when he's on his own.

Answer

I've been a stay at home mom for 8 years and I've been homeschooling the last 5 years. All I can tell you is that you can't do it all. I can't do it all. No one can do it all. You do what you can and be proud of the accomplishments you made that day. Things I do that help me: 
I do a 4 day school week. I squeeze all lessons into 4 days instead of 5. That extra day off I still count as a school day but it's used for things that can't be done during formal school days. Cleaning can definitely be part of "school." You can count it towards home economics. It's important to teach our children how to take care of themselves. Also grocery shopping or errand running can be counted as school. Teach him how to make a budget and stick to it at the store. Use math to add up items in your cart or to subtract coupons from full price. We also use our day off to go on field trips. 
I have my 8 year old doing as much as she can on her own. I write out her schedule each day and she works her worksheets and goes through her lessons by herself. That way I can work with my kindergartener, deal with my toddler, and do chores while she's working. She still needs a lot of help now but as she gets older it'll be less and less. 
I don't know if this is an option but I do school through the summer. That way we have lots of time to take off throughout the year. If a week isn't going as I planned or if the house is just destroyed I can tell the kids ok school break and we use that week to catch up on cleaning. We make time for more field trips that week as well. And just having fun like playing educational games. 
If you can't do school through the summers you could take "easy weeks." Still count it as school but do more laid back activities like journal writing. Go to the zoo and have him study a certain animal. Pick a chapter book and read through it together. Because it's more laid back you'll have time to catch up on household chores but can still count that week as a school week. 
And always remember you can't do it all. Is it frustrating sometimes? Hell yeah! Does the messy house cause me anxiety? All the time! But you have to give yourself grace. Teaching our children is a full time job, housekeeping is a full time job. Cooking and caring for kids is a full time job. We can't expect ourselves to get it all done every single day.

Answer

He's old enough to do chores. Make a chore list and give I'm incentives so that he completes them. A weekly allowance, a favorite food, longer screen time etc. Whatever works for you and him. But he won't learn otherwise.

Answer

He is old enough to do dishes and his own laundry.

Answer

Involve other members of the household because all the housework shouldn’t be falling on you alone. Stop resenting the chores you do and viewing them as if they’ll be “done” eventually, it’ll never be done, it’s an ongoing process. I find making myself and my family members to do lists every morning helps everything feel so much more manageable, and is a way to delegate tasks and for everyone to be held accountable for their responsibilities. As far as things not staying tidy, maybe you need to downsize. We “Marie Kondo” our house every couple months and that keeps clutter away- there’s a series on Netflix about it you could watch with your family. Cleaning constantly is frustrating but it’s also a way of honoring the space you have, maybe change your perspective. As for your son eating, at 11 he is going through a huge growth spurt and needs lots of nutrient dense food and water, probably more than you think. Good for you for taking care of everything, but you shouldn’t be doing it without help from everyone else who lives there.

Answer

I agree with Jennel. He should learn life skills and he's definitely old enough to be responsible for certain tasks.

Answer

Like everyone else said your step son needs chores too. My step kids started doing their own laundry and doing dishes regularly at age 10, it’s reasonable. As for the food, does he have a weight problem? If he does not, then he probably is hungry. I can tell you from personal experience, preteen and teen boys eat a ton!!! They need it, reevaluate your food budget and the serving sizes he is provided. Also, in a family household, the chores just really never end. My house is myself, my husband and my step kids (18 and 16) and there is always something to clean up. It’s just life. Ask for help, you deserve help.

Answer

Have him help with the chores. I started doing chores when I was 6. Also are there any clubs to help him socialize and get him out of the house? It could give you a break.

How do you do it?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey