It just hit me...

That in less than 7 weeks, I'll be a mother of two. In less than 7 weeks, my little boy will be a big brother. And I'm so worried that he's going to feel pushed out. He's always been my priority, but knowing baby will be more dependent on me than my Son, is my Son going to feel less important?

I'm not going to be able to have the same one on one time with either of them that I had with my Son for the first 3 1/2 years of his life. Yeah, sure, I'll have one on one time with baby while my Son is in nursery. And I'll have one on one time with my Son while baby is asleep. But it's never going to be the same.

I feel really selfish for ever wanting another baby, but at the same time I've never been able to imagine having an only child. I don't want my 3 year old thinking I've replaced him. I don't want him thinking I don't care when I'm too busy with baby. I don't want him to stop coming to me for comfort. I don't want him to feel like I don't have time for him. He's my baby, he's such a sweet, and caring little boy and I feel like I'm going to just fuck it all up. I can't even put into words how I'm even feeling right now and I can't stop crying and it's hard to breathe. I'm already failing and baby #2 isn't even here yet.