Need relationship advice

Katie

So I’ve never really had any sort of relationship before. I had a rough childhood, and throughout the years it’s mainly just been flings. Recently I met this guy through a dating app who just moved back home from being in the Navy for five years. I had been going through some stuff at the time and I basically secluded myself to my room that week. My friend urged me to meet up with him even if I wasn’t interested. She wanted me to get out of the house and at least see what happens. After cancelling for dinner, and then pushing the time off the next day, I decided that I need to do this for myself.

It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. We instantly connected and ended up spending the entire day together. It was really great for a few weeks until he picked up two jobs. One during the day from 6am-2:30pm and one every weekend doing overnights. He also has been giving his older brother, (who we recently got an apartment with), rides to work at 4am every morning. I didn’t realize that him working all the time would effect what we were working towards so much.

Eventually I felt like I was starting all of the conversations and I was trying to be so supportive and patient with him. He comes from a rough family too so I was just trying to be there for him.

Eventually my thoughts got the best of me. I had just hung out with him and we had sex. This wasn’t the first time with him and it kinda seemed like this was becoming a pattern. I don’t mind, but it just made me doubt things so much more.

I ended up messaging him and just tried to explain my confusion. I was really nice about it and said I am completely okay with where we are at. All I asked was for him to communicate a little bit more and I wanted to make sure we will still working towards a future relationship.

I think doing that freaked him out. He responded saying he wasn’t sure right now because of work and I told him I’m going to give him space.

As of right now it’s been two days and I haven’t texted him or snap chatted him at all. He’s busy going into his overnight shifts this weekend so I don’t think he will message me until next week.

I know he sounds like a total douche, but surprisingly in person he’s really not. I think he’s just been hurt by a lot of people and he’s just really stressed out. He’s currently dealing with not talking to his mom or sister because of things and it seems like a lot of things have been getting to him.

Now I know it’s no excuse regardless, but I feel like I shouldn’t give up on him quite yet. I just need some more opinions so please comment! Also do you think I should message him first or wait for him to message me? Obviously I don’t have much experience here and I don’t want to ruin things even more.

Thank you to everyone who read this entire thing! Means a lot 💕

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COMMENT (5)

Li

Posted at
Wait for him for now. Don’t contact him first. Give him the space you promised him.

Ka

Katie • Jan 26, 2019
Thank you! This is definitely a good reminder and I needed to read this! It’s harder than I thought it would be because I care about him.

Se

Posted at
If you dont feel like you should give up, dont. Wait for him to message you, it will ease up your confusion because you will see an effort on his part, or you won’t. Plus you said you’d give him space, mean it. Sometimes people do things to manipulate a certain response... don’t be one of those people.

Ka

Katie • Jan 26, 2019
Thank you for the advice! It’s always been hard for me to give people space because I constantly want to help and fix things. I appreciate it because I was literally just thinking about what I could say.

Ka

Posted at
UPDATE:It was on and off for a while up until two weeks ago. He’s been making so much more effort and I feel a lot better for waiting instead of ending it. I still have anxiety over certain things, but I’m not letting it get to me. Thank you all for the advice! It really helped me! 😊💕