LONNNNGGG INDUCTION/ BIRTH STORY *may be triggering but has positive outcome*

In advanced thank you for reading, I'm hoping this will be cathartic for me.

On Friday January 18th when I was 41 weeks and 2 days, I had my second NST of the week at my birthing center. Rowan had done well on Tuesday but she wasn't being as responsive as normal and her heartrate was higher than normal for the amount of movement. Luckily I had happened to have a Biophysical Profile scheduled a few hours after that appointment.

As soon as Rowan showed up on ultrasound something felt off and I noticed she was pretty still -something unusual for her. She was still posterior so I prepared for back labor. Her heartrate was good though but I freaked out when the ultrasound lady called my midwife during the appointment to tell her my fluid was too low. My midwife said she'd call my backup OB and call me right back.

My husband and I went out to the car and waited anxiously. A few minutes later our midwife called back and said that she talked to the OB and they would recommend to come in to be induced two hours later. I was disappointed because my original plan was to have a natural med-free waterbirth. We had worked so hard to make sure we would be able to make it happen.

When we got to the hospital my midwife was waiting in the parking lot and led us to L&D. She explained the findings of the ultrasound to the doctor who then performed a cervical check. ONE? How was I at a one? I had been at a one since 32 weeks when I had gone into preterm labor which had to be stopped.

After hearing that I felt slightly discouraged but excited that hey, after all this time I would be meeting my baby soon. The doctor then ordered another ultrasound and calculated a different method of measuring fluid level by measuring the deep pocket (2.8) over overall level (3.6). She claimed that my fluid was fine and that we didn't need to induce. My midwife, the person who advocated for as natural of things as possible, called bullshit and was pissed. She had worked with that ultrasound person for 20 years and trusted her judgement completely. She said that she would rather me have an induction since I would be 42 weeks soon than ignore an ultrasound report and something happen to my baby. After some going back and forth, the evening doctor offered Cytotec to which my midwife asked her to step out of the room. MW then explained what the potential pros and cons would be of using the Cytotec and emphasized that if for some reason I had an adverse reaction they wouldn't be able to stop the drug. Ultimately, she recommended Cervadil as a milder and controllable alternative then starting pitocin in the morning after a night of rest. So we went with that.

The doctor and nurse came in at around midnight with the Cervadil and inserted it pretty painlessly. I told my midwife she could leave since I would just be resting for the night

I then woke up at 3 am with the most painful contractions that then ramped up to 2.5 minutes long with a 30 break in between. I was screaming and crying for what felt like forever. Finally the nurse came in with the doctor and checked me, I was still at a 1 and only 50% effaced. I BEGGED, BEGGED for an epidural at which they said that I was only at a one so they didn't want to give it to me. I told them I didn't give a fuck and the doctor said that I would have to be monitored for fever since they only like to give it to people who are "within four hours of delivery" but offered Fentanyl to which I said NO and that I just wanted the epidural (this is important). After another 45 minutes the Anesthesiologist came in and asked my husband to leave so he went to the cafeteria. He administered the epidural and then pushed something into my IV. I asked him what it was and he said Fentanyl. By that time I felt completely defeated and by the time my husband came back I was completely out of it.

For about an hour, I was in bliss with the epidural but it had worn off. Over the next few hours they would try and top it off but it had failed. Rowan's heartbeat was kind of unstable and I had to lay on my right side to keep it steady. Anytime I moved, her heartbeat would lower. By about 5:30 am, after going back to screaming and crying the doctor came back in, checked me. The cervical check sent me over the edge and she said "gosh, I don't know why you are in so much pain, you aren't even dialated". ONE and 60%. At that point I told them to take it out. My body and baby needed a break. Finally at 7, the contractions were a breathable time apart. I waited for my OB to get to the hospital and come in. I now know that I wasn't being overdramatic but experienced a rare but excruciatingly dangerous side effect of Cervadil called Uterine Hyperstimulation. If left in place for too long it can cause uterine rupture and fetal death.

OB checked me at 8. Still ONE and 60%. She recommended a Foley Bulb to get me to about a 4. Foley bulb worked and I was a 4 with my bloody show completely coming out with it. At that point I felt reinvigorated and motivated and they started Pitocin ramping it up every so often. I still had to lay on my right side and they gave me oxygen.

After a few hours of pitocin, no progression. So they increased and increased and increased. I was again, in a ton of pain. My body only got to a 4 with the Foley bulb and my body wasn't going farther. Baby wasn't doing great. At some point my water had broken (it could have been for as long as 4 hours, since I kept bugging them to check me again). When they next came in the check showed I was still at a 4 and baby had not descended. It had now been 24 hours of intense labor pain. I called my midwife and explained what was happening and that I felt like my body was stopping progression for a reason, I said that if we kept pushing something bad was going to happen. She totally supported me in my decision to call it and have a C-section.

I told the nurse that I was done and wanted a C-section. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes. She then went to find my OB. My OB came in and said that she really thought I should just push through and that she really didn't feel I needed a C-section.

I told her about my feeling of something bad happening and said that every single step of the way, my body has fought back. She gave me a list of risks of C-section and I said yeah, I know. She brought up that when I have my next baby (HAHAHHAHAHA) that I'd have to have another C-section (not necessarily true). She asks if she did another cervical check and I progressed would I change my mind? I said go for it but my body is not letting me go any farther. Still a 4 and 60%. She walked out and said she would get the team ready.

Fast forward to the C-section which honestly felt like a relief. When they pulled her out, I heard a brief cry that was cut short and then she stopped breathing. I heard nurses and doctors saying stuff in the background. I asked my husband what was going on and he told me that everything was fine but then went over to the doctors. I immediately started crying and panicking because here I was, paralyzed with my stomach cut open and I couldn't even see my baby or know that she was okay. My husband said that it took awhile for them to revive her and then they took her into another room with my husband following. In recovery, the OB told me that I was right to have the C-section. I'm not sure if there was a cord issue or what that prevented her from descending.

My sweet baby has done amazing since then and fortunately did not have to spend time in the NICU. We are now 7 days PP and although sometimes I struggle with getting sad and angry over how things went, I am extremely grateful that despite everything we are okay. I am proud of having the confidence of listening to my intuition and I keep reminding myself that my body didn't fail because it kept my baby safe for almost 10.5 months.

Thank you for reading. ❤