Idk why i do this to myself

Im only 8DPO. We’ve been TTC since a miscarriage we had in October. This is our second month trying and I’m only 8DPO. I couldn’t help myself but to test this morning and i always feel like I can see something but in reality there never really is. Long story short after not getting my BFP even though I’m early and i KNOW I’m early it still upset me not seeing my BFP. I balled my eyes out because I just want my baby. And too be completely honest I shouldn’t even be having to do this i was SUPPOSED to be over half way done with my first pregnancy. Everything should of been fine. But no. People are being blessed with babies left and right. I just hope I’m that lucky this month. Im praying for our rainbow baby. 😣😔💖👼🏼🌈