what makes a narcissist?

hey everyone! i would like to know what your guys ideas are on what a narcissist is or what traits a narcissist/gaslighter have.

ive lived w my bf for almost a year next month & ive researched the topics above & i feel very often times they’re relatable w our relationship but for some reason my mind is like wrapped around “if you leave ur weak” “if u leave you’ll be giving up what u started” & it makes me feel TERRIBLE. i mean sick to my stomach i feel so bad leaving him but i feel so detatched from the world & my family. im afraid that ive been sucked into this gaslighting brainwash thing. i feel almost stuck here even though all it takes is one choice but i feel scared. (no domestic violence)

sometimes i just want to pack & just run away while hes at work but i dont want to have to confront him bc i dont want to fall into the “honeymoon stage” & despite the desperation to leave my mind gets bombarded w the memories & few good times we’ve had.