When will it be my turn?!

To my sweet soon to be sister in law,

I love my niece more than anything. She’s a perfect 5 months & I can’t imagine loving anyone more.

And I’m sorry I had to fake excitement when you told us tonight that you’re pregnant with your second child. I’m sorry I couldn’t genuinely be happy for you.

I want to. I want to be excited & to know like I did with her that everything’s going to be okay.

Please, just know I want it to be my turn for my rainbow. I want it to be me seeing those little lines on the test & hearing a heartbeat that’s growing inside of me.

A huge part of me has given up. A part of me knows I’ll never get to experience what you have & are experiencing. And I’m so jealous.

Everything will be fine. I love you all.