Im halfway through my senior year of college and I hate everything about it.

Other than normal stress from having loud housemates, a job, internship, and 6 courses this quarter (20+ units), I’ve been depressed on and off the last 3 years about not having any true friends. I truly feel so alone.

The only friend I can really count as a solid and true friend is my friend from high school who went to this college with me and we were roommates together. The best friend after that would be my boyfriend of 3 years who I met halfway through my freshman year. Always supportive. Loving. Caring. My rock.

But every time I think about my social life it makes me wanna cry because I have no one else to turn to. When my boyfriend transferred schools our sophomore year, I forced myself to try rushing for a fraternity cuz I thought I would meet a ton of people and make a ton of friends. Wrong. They all turned out to be fake af and peer pressured me so much and just talked shit about each other all the time. It was toxic. I slowly ebbed my way out of the frat, and even now that I’m out I still get shit for not hanging out with my “line”, who says they care about me but I know they don’t. All I got from rushing was being able to now name 50-60 people who I KNOW I am never going to be friends with....it almost feels worse now knowing I have less potential friends out there, if that makes sense?

In high school I had a huge circle of friends and we were all GENUINE and CLOSE and truly supported each other. Never had drama.

Now, I haven’t made any good friends in college. I feel like I failed socially here. I’ve tried other clubs too but they’ve been so cliquey and not really welcoming to the new person.

I’m lonely all the time. When I’m home, I put F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on Netflix so that I hear people talking and feel like I’m less alone. I feel so pathetic and sad. And I don’t know what to do because i feel like I’ve run out of time to make friends since I’m a senior.