So it happened last night! 4 weeks... I am full of different emotions. Happy, scared, anxious... I what I believe an early miscarriage back in November. January was the month we wanted to try again for real and it happened. To be honest I never thought it would happen to me. The man in my my life came late and I was to the point I thought I would never have a baby on my own. I did not expect to be this fertile at 40... we are lucky! I know that. Now that it could be real, I am full of different emotions. He is so happy and I am also. At the same time with what happened back in November I am being so cautious and I don’t want to get my hopes up... it was an hard day back in November when my period came. I’ve decided to wait another week and test again and after that ask my doctor for a blood test. This mix of emotions is hard on me ... it’s hard to not let myself be so happy because I am scared and anxious.

What scares me the most is that I’ve been cramping since Sunday... on and off like it happened back in November. I know it can be normal and if there is no blood it is nothing dangerous but it is hard not to think about it when you feel the cramps. How do you deal with the cramps?

Baby is due October 8 2019. I am wishing for an healthy baby!

Since I am being cautious about the pregnancy I felt like the best place to share how I feel about it is here... do not want to tell my family and friends yet! I will for sure tell my mom this weekend when I see her but right now it is this secret between me and my BF and this community 😊