I value my own worth with what the others think of me. If they don’t value me, degrade me, forget about me. I forget about myself.. I forget to feed myself or to stop eating so much. I mean to myself I tell myself things that I shouldn’t I think about things that I shouldn’t like suicide a lot. When someone ignores me and doesn’t value my time.. I began to question my value as a person. I’ve cut myself since I was molested when I was 11 by my cousin. Sorry if that’s a bit personal. I have no one to vent to. I got into a long relationship that ended up being an engagement. It was 5 years and it ended because of mental and emotional abuse. I didn’t cut. I stayed strong. I was in a weird state where I was questioning what if I was bi and not lesbian? So I slept with a guy multiple times. I never enjoyed it and I cried a lot. But not as bad as the night that he raped me while I slept. I woke up, I did not consent. I begged and started crying and hitting him. He left. I didn’t cut myself. I’ve been clean for over 5 years now. Or I was. I have a problem. When I’m in love with someone like I am with my current girlfriend I value my own worth with others thoughts. She hasn’t called. She doesn’t care to. She says I’m fine. But I have nightmares and I want her here. She’s too busy for me. I have a problem. I’ve relapsed. I don’t know if this will be taken down or not. I don’t know the policies on this. I cut myself today over 15 Times. I don’t know how to help myself anymore. And I haven’t stopped crying or throwing up. I’m all alone and I don’t feel worth anything. I have a problem.