Life is unfair.

I was told a few years ago that I cannot have kids. Or it will be extremely hard to get pregnant. On 8/28/17 I found out I was pregnant. On 9/10/17 I miscarried. A few days later I found out my best friend was pregnant with her 3rd child. My heart was broken. For many reasons, my husband and I had been trying for about 4 yrs at that time, and now there was a constant reminder of my lose (her baby). I know that sounds so god awful of me. And let me tell you now, I absolutely adore and love my god son. He is so precious and such a great gift to this world. But every time I see him, I have a mini melt down after wards. But I continued to put a smile on my face and deal with each day. Every time i realize having another child isn’t in the cards for me, I have a melt down. Well two days ago my best friend tells me they are pregnant with their 4th child now. I am so happy for them. But so damn heartbroken for myself. I have cried and yelled so much these past couple days. Now I am ready to pack some bags and take a vacation far away for just a little while.