Confused and hurt from my bad decisions
I have been sexing a man off and on for 10 years. We never established what we were doing. We chill and go over each others house watch television, play the game and have sex. We never kiss, though he kisses my body, neck, chest back etc. he’s very affectionate while we are having sex. We don’t cuddle at night and keep our distance emotionally. When he is having a hard time with life, I am there to make him feel better and cheer him up, by talking to him and being his shoulder to lean on. I have developed feelings for him and actually think I love him. We both have been in relationships with other people but always come back to each other and rekindle our flames like clock work. I recently texted him and told him how I felt and he responded a day later and said that he’s fucked up and always hurts those people that get close to him. I want him, kind of need him and just want him to want me the way I want him. I want to fix him and make him whole, but he won’t allow me. I feel like I’m breaking me trying to fix him. I’m actually on day 2 of crying whilst typing this message. I want to let go of him because he can’t give me what I need, he gives me what I want. But what’s the good in holding onto somebody that’s halfway yours?