Today I had mental breakdown. I confessed to my mom how I’ve been feeling, telling her that I feel it would be better if I die, that I’ve been beyond depressed. I told her about the voices in my head that tells me a lot of bad things, I told her about how it’s getting so bad I’m having nightmares where in my nightmares people tell me that my voices are right and that I should go away, and that I should die. She said everyone goes through times like this in they life but I feels like this almost constantly. I’m not happy at all, I’m completely detached from school, and I wanna stay in the bed all day and cry til my eyes swell together. Dying feels so much easier that being here and being unhappy, lonely, depressed, and stuck in the same cycle. I don’t wanna be here sometimes and it breaks me down every-time I think about it. I know if I go things would be better for me but not for the people I love and that makes me selfish. When I take myself out of my body I can see myself happy, stress free, and we wouldn’t have to worry about money, but that’s only if I’m gone, If I wasn’t here. Sometimes I wanna go and give them that, I’m not happy here anyway. I don’t think she really understands that I feel if I have depression( I haven’t been medically diagnosed) but I don’t feel that I have to be i shouldn’t feel this way this often. Something is clearly wrong. People say “oh just don’t listen to those bad things” “tune them out” I wish it was that simple. I wish I could turn them off whenever I wanted, I wish I could just tell myself that you’re beautiful, your dark skin is beautiful, your smile is pretty and it be true when I walk out of the mirror but it’s not and it won’t be