Found out in December that my husband & I are expecting again. It took months to convince him to start trying again because it would be our third child but we both long for a little girl. So he agreed we would try one more time. We have 2 boys. The oldest is about to be 4 in April & my youngest turned 1 this past September. I knew, while still in the hospital with my second son, I wasn’t done having babies. I think my husband wanted to be done after my second so we could get back to us but I had a feeling that later down the road he would probably want to try again. I, on the other hand, felt that while we are already in the is toddler/baby stage, if we wanted more children we should go ahead & have them. So now I am pregnant again with baby #3! This pregnancy has been rough. I am constantly nauseous & exhausted. My skin is so dry, it’s like I’m getting over a sunburn. My hair is dry & brittle unlike this luxurious locks I had with the last 2 pregnancies. Pregnancy with my boys was a breeze compared to this one. Since I found out I was pregnant, I tried to convince myself that it was another boy. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that maybe, just maybe it would be our girl. I started to feel at peace that this would be our last baby because deep down, I thought that this would be our girl. Last week we went to an elective ultrasound at 14 weeks in hopes to find out the gender. We didn’t look & they put it in a envelope for us. We threw a gender reveal with all of our close family & friends to find out with us. That whole day preparing for the party, my husband said, “I really think it’s a girl this time.” I started having mixed feelings. I really didn’t want to get my hopes up but after he admitted his feelings, I couldn’t help it. Everyone was on the girl team. Time to reveal. We pop the balloon & it’s BLUE! Another boy. I tried my best to be happy & to play it off. After we clean up & everyone has left, I’m still in shock that it’s another boy & I can’t shake this feeling. I’m conflicted. I wanted to be done but I dream of having a daughter. I try talk to my husband & he says, “well it’s another boy & that’s it. No more.” We haven’t talked much about it since. I have cried over it. I started looking up women who were told that they were having a boy & found out later they were having a girl. Read countless stories in hopes we would become one too. For days I have been struggling. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed because I truly felt that it was a girl this time or the fact that my husband is done. He claims he will get a vasectomy if I do not get my tubes tied. I have already stressed to him that I do not want to do that because it’s permanent. Knowing him though, if he goes through with a vasectomy, there will be no convincing him for a reversal. I’m unsure what to do. How to cope or deal with this feeling. I’m not even half way through this pregnancy & Im trying to decide maybe we should try one more time or just accept that we will have 3 boys & no more. This baby boy will be loved more than anything like his brothers. There is no doubt about that but right now, I can’t shake this feeling. I need advice or words of encouragement because sadly this is one of those times where my husband is saying all the wrong things.

UPDATE!

Just left my sister in law’s gender reveal. She is due a week after me. Found out she is having her boy after 2 girls. I’m very excited for them but all my emotions have come back up again & it was so hard to cope through the party. Especially while my husband was on speaker phone told his mother that I would break down & cry. Then she made a point to come talk to me but I really couldn’t say anything. I was afraid if I did I would cry. I was really nervous about going to this party because the way I have been feeling. This whole time since we both found out we were pregnant we both thought I would get the girl & she would get the boy. Now it isn’t so. It was extremely awkward for me being there. Like I said I’m excited for her but devastated that I will never get to experience both sexes. To me I feel like everyone was more let down & a few even laughed at our gender reveal because we really thought it was a girl. At hers tonight everyone was so excited & they started talking about the baby shower & finally being able to buy boy things. I just wish I could be as excited as they are. I have kept literally everything from my first son & second so I will not be having a baby shower. All I have to look forward to is the birth which I’m not excited about because I don’t look forward to another csection. My husband just doesn’t get why I am feeling this way but it’s mainly because he is happy about being done. I’m more upset because I will never have that mother daughter relationship I dreamt about these past few months. Not saying my relationship with my sons would be much different but different in a way. Just don’t know how to feel. This whole pregnancy & being around the family is going to be hard until this baby gets here.