Please don't judge me. This is really hard. Me and my husband have a two years old son. He was totally unplanned. I wasn't sure I even wanted children. I was in fact so afraid of getting pregnant I was on the pill and we used condomes and we barely had sex and still this guy managed to happen. We found out about my pregnancy really late due to my periods being irregular, so I had gone over the time where abortions were legal (illegal here after 12 weeks). From the moment I found out I was happy about my baby and I never even thought about wanting an abortion or so. He's the light of my life this little boy. My husband then really wanted him to have close sibling but I was torn about it. Eventually I agreed to have another. We didn't really try, we just stopped using protection and I got pregnant right away. Now I'm pregnant I feel like "what did I even get myself into". I don't feel ready. At first I was happy about it, but now I feel like I have no desire for another child and that I don't even know if I can love someone else. I won't do an abortion, I'm against that personally and adoption is not an option where we live so I'll have to stick with it now. I'm sure I'll love this baby once it comes and everything will be good, but I just feel so stupid and like a total failure. I just want to be happy about the beautiful life inside of me. It deserves nothing but happiness, and here I am, doubting it.