😭😭 So discouraged 😭😭

I am 27, 5’3 && 280 lbs 🥰

In 2012 I lost my 1st (my son) at 27 weeks due to a true knot in his umbilical cord. He woulda been 7 this year 💙

In 2014 I had my daughter who will b 5 this May with no complications 💕

September of 2018 I had my IUD taken out so the fiancé && I could have one more ‼️

1/14/19 I found out I was pregnant && the next day I found out I was having a chemical pregnancy. I JUST got my 1st period after my chemical on 2/5 && it just ended today 😰

My HCG levels are as follows:

1/15 - 321

1/17 - 129

1/19 - 82

1/30 - 64

2/7 - 34

Waiting for my HCG levels to drop to negative just makes me feel stuck in this grieving process 😔 I couldn’t have been more than 3 weeks so it doesn’t hurt as bad as my 1st, but it feels worse because it’s like a repeat of him 😫

I just feel so stuck. I have no motivation to do anything. It just hurts so bad && I feel so alone. I want to start trying again. I just want to move past this. I feel like this is just dragging on && it’s driving me crazy. Loosing 2/3 of my kids has really taken a toll on me emotionally.

I’m hoping a weight loss journey will take my mind off of this && help me feel better emotionally 😕

I just want my rainbow baby 🌈

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Update 2/17/19: my HCG as of 2/12/19 was 16. We’ll see what tomorrow holds for me 🤷🏻‍♀️