I’m not sure if having an abortion but wanting the baby is considered child loss.

Long story short, I had and abortion at 18 weeks. My baby had major abnormalities that would affect his life the moment he would have been born. My boyfriend and I had made the difficult decision to abort it. It tore me apart. It still does. I never thought of ending the pregnancy when I found out I was pregnant. I’m not sure where I fit in with any of the groups. I wanted this baby so bad and would’ve given up anything to have it. It’s been more than half a year already and I think about it every single day.

Any moms out there gone through the same thing or similar? Where do I fall in?

**UPDATE**

Thank you so much ladies for your comforting words and support. Everyday gets easier, but never better. I don’t cry as much as before, but those days do happen. I’ve decided to take myself off anonymous and be an ear to those who want to talk. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in this. As much as it sucks, there are other ladies that go through this, but abortion is such a taboo thing that it’s not spoken as frequently.

My friend had miscarried around the same time I had gone through my procedure, a shared friend had said that I know what she’s going through, but I don’t - at least not in the way she thinks. I chose to end the pregnancy, my body didn’t. I know what I did was the best thing for my son, I know that if I were to have the pregnancy full term, it’d be for my selfishness.

Once again, anyone wanting to talk, please don’t hesitate to DM me.

Prayers for a healing heart and for your days to get better. 💕