10dpo, af due in 4 days.

I had a chemical two months ago and testing really stresses me out. Like I used to love it and I was almost addicted to poas. But I took a strip MomMed hcg test and I don’t even see a faint line so is it even worth it to test on a frer? The indents literally make me unstable and even if it looks positive I don’t trust it as far as I can throw it. When will I get a true positive on a clear blue or regular first response? I really don’t want to take an early result and get my hopes up for a f****** indent because I will probably have a mental breakdown.