I'm 21 and 8 weeks 5 days.

Currently I live with my boyfriend of 8 months and about 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. He works fulltime and I'm currently unemployed due to psychological and physical issues. We still barely are able to support ourselves. My parents live over 3 hours from me and his parents would rather laugh as I stumble rather than help support me. In one week I have an appt set for the surgical procedure and then it's over. I never thought of myself as having a kid ever in my life. From 14-20 I was abused by my (ex)boyfriend and I grew up adopted into the family I grew up in. I didnt trust any man and I couldn't bring myself to have a child and let it grow up thinking "why didn't my mom want me?". I know from a logical standpoint adoption is a more ideal option (in my opinion), but having personally been that kid I know that logic doesn't matter. All of it hurts like hell, and I will never be ok with causing a child to feel the way I felt when I was young. So my final option now is termination because this way in the end I end up hurt the most (I can't speak for my boyfriends inner most feelings but I know he had trouble accepting it too).

I'm scared for how I'm going to manage everything afterwards as its really hard to do it now. I struggle with severe anxiety and depression on good days. I don't know how I'm going to be able to come to terms with my decision. I know I can't change my mind, I've weighed all my options already. But I can't seem to stop crying about my pending loss.