It’s only been 7 months TTC but it feels that the last few months have been the hardest for me since a very long time. We tried a great variety of timing for BD, checked my cycle closely (ovulation is always on day 14 of a 28 days cycle in my case, as showed by OPK, CM and BBT) and did some health tests, all showing that both of us are in good health and should be able to conceive.

So I feel like we are running out of options now. I’m starting a new cycle today (yup AF showed her ugly face again this morning) and have no idea what to do differently this time to make it work. And how could the outcome be positive this time if we don’t change the process? That makes me feel so powerless and it started a spiral of negative thoughts. Now, I can’t even see how it could work out naturally and in my country, there is no access to fertility specialists before 1 year of trying and waiting lists can be years long after you register. So I feel trapped.

I see a psychologist to help me on other aspects of my life. Last session, I told her about how I felt and she suggested to having such negative thoughts could get in the way of TTC, that we should work together to make that time more positive. But, as days go by since, instead of feeling impowered that we can make it better with some work on myself, it makes me feel worse, like I’m trapped in a spiral from which I can’t escape. I feel guilty to be negative which continues the cycle... I have experienced stress for a long part of my life. If it prevents me from getting pregnant, I don’t see how it can happen and sadness becomes despair.

I don’t have a solution yet but I pray to finally see a little positivity in all this and that letting all that out in that post will help me feel better.

Thank you for reading it.