I wish

I wish I could be better! I don’t have a lot of time in my life. My parents wanted me to get a job but I was falling behind in school (homeschooled/tutorial) so I didn’t get one well they kept bringing it up sooo I just go one. I was really happy. But now I have half the time I used to have. What makes this whole situation worse is the fact I hate almost all of my subjects.

I don’t understand why. I hate learning about stuff that I know I’m never going to use. I’m in 11th grade! I need to grow up! I hate chemistry, because I know that I’m never ever going to use certain things I’m being taught. I don’t need to how much water was used in a fake solution.

I just don’t want to learn. I hate that about myself, I wish I would just get it over with. Now that I have my job I’ve felt like I had a purpose. It kinda makes me happy. Sure I’m tired but that’s really not any different from before. I’m alway tired.

I could stay in bed all day and literally do nothing and still be tired. I don’t always go to sleep at a reasonable time but that’s because I can’t sleep. When I do get enough sleep I’m still tired when I wake up.

I wish I knew how to manage my life better, because I know that I’m in a path of destruction and I don’t know how to save myself.

I wish my efforts would actually work. I don’t eat breakfast or lunch anymore and I have one or two snacks and then dinner. I’m constantly moving and I can’t lose any freaking weight. I’m getting better at drinking water and I’m still severely dehydrated.

Im trying so hard but I keep getting distracted and it’s so hard.

Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I know that can’t happen but it seems peaceful. I’m drowning in my life and I don’t know how to save myself. I’m sorry this is long I just needed to get it off my chest.