The Unworthy Mother

I tried so hard to get pregnant. It was something I wanted oh so bad. I prayed everynight for God to bless me with a beautiful gift. He finally answered my prayers! I was so excited! I Immediately started looking online at baby stuff, and baby names. My growing baby was all I could ever think about.

I started to tell some of my closest friends and family. None of them knew that my significant other and I had been TTC. I got many mixed reactions. Some excitement, dissappointment, dissaproval, jealousy, and shock. This really got to me. I wanted everyone to be as excited as I was. Ever since I have had to deal with some of the people closest to me being so dissaproving of my pregnancy, I have become very depressed. I never have an appetite which is very bad considering baby needs those nutriants. I sleep over 10 hours a night, never want to do anything or even go to the store. What was supposed to be such a exciting and happy time has turned into me distancing myself from everyone even my S/O. I am no longer excited for anything baby related. I don't look at baby stuff anymore, I don't want to talk about my pregnancy and I don't even want to have a baby shower because that means being around my family. I love my baby with all my heart already and it just hurts so much to feel so alone in all of this even though I do have a few standing behind me ready to take on this entire journey together.

I have been told straight to my face "I just don't know what to say to you right now." And "I refuse to be excited for you." I have been told "I hate to say it's an inconvenience but that's what it is even though it's not your fault...when it really is because you had sex with your S/O."

I know that my situation is not 'ideal' in the traditional aspect because I am not married, but I know it could be worse. Both my S/O and I have steady good paying jobs, a roof over our head, and food in our cupboards. We discussed all the details that come with TTC so it is not like we just "oops" got pregnant. Which even then it is still a blessing and should be an exciting time. The judgement I have gotten from my family and friends is just too much.

All of these comments are constantly spinning in my head causing me anxiety, stress, and pure heartbreak. I have been made to feel like I am unworthy to be a mother and as time pasts and I am left to the darkeness of my own mind I am starting to believe it.