Long post:

The year is 2010, I'm kicked out of my house at the young age of 16. I start to experience some health issues and get told by my small town doctor that I will never have children....

Very devastating to not only me but to my grandfather who was basically my father growing up. He always told me he wanted a great grandbaby from me before he passed away. Hes now 85! I got asked by my cousin when I was 5 years old what I wanted to be when I grew up. I looked up at her with a glimmer in my eye and said "a mommy."

The year is now 2017 I am 23 years old and wishing to meet a man who will change my life for the better. And guess what I did. I had nearly given up on love but out of no where came this man. Well in all honesty I first met him when I was seventeen but life took us down different paths only to reconnect a few years later and end up together. He had 3 children who I adored and my dream of being a mom was a reality. He is the best daddy and told me he'd even consider having one more baby if with the right women. I was the right women.

We tried for four months but month after month there were negative tests and heavy periods. Then came Janurary of 2018. I had been sick for quiet awhile and we decided to take a pregnancy test, I couldnt believe it, there were two pink lines!!! How could it be I wasnt suppose to be able to conceive.

I celebrated my 24th birthday 2 months pregnant. ♡

My whole pregnancy went smoothly, I actually enjoyed being pregnant. There were doubters because I've always been plused sized. But nine months came quickly and went quickly without one issue. Madison made her entrance on October 4th 2018 at 4:42 PM. 10 days past her due date at 8 pounds 1 ounce. 19 inches long. She was perfect and everything I had ever wanted. I was a mommy at last.

I was due on September 24th of 2018 and was induced on October 3rd 2018 about 1 in the afternoon. They started me on pitocin and antibiotics because the only bad thing that happen to me this pregnancy was being diagnosed with group B strep. My boyfriend and I stayed up most the night unsure when things would happen. We watched so many hours of Gold Rush, the only thing on the t.v. My water ended up breaking on it's own in the early morning hours of October 4th. The night nurse didn't believe me and another nurse came in and tested me and sure enough my water had broken. I started progressing more and more as the hours went on and ended up getting an epidural which was successful but caused bruising all up my spine. The nurses walked me through labor and pushing for a good 2 hours. Baby girl was faced up so my delivery was that much harder. When she finally came out she didnt cry and I waited my heart sinking. Then she bellowed out a cry and they laid her across my chest. She was stunning even well squawking. Then rushed in nurse after nurse as Dr Braatz went to work on saving my life. They were all fading. They kept asking me questions like what my name was, I could barely answer. I kept blinking hard trying to keep focus well looking at Madison and not slip away. I then looked at my boyfriend in the corner of the room the only place he could stand since there were so many people in the same room and his face was ghost white. He told me later that song by Tim McGraw dont take the girl ran through his mind as I was laying there "dying."

Same old boy

Same sweet girl

Five years down the road

There's gonna be a little one and she

Says it's time to go

Doctor says the baby's fine

But you'll have to leave

'Cause his momma's fading fast and

Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed

"Take the very breath you gave me

Take the heart from my chest

I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me

Make this my last request

Take me out of this world

God, please don't take the girl".....

Madison pooped on me as a nurse massaged my belly trying to get my uterus to contract back to what it was suppose to, my stomach was so bruised afterwards because of the force she had to apply to my belly, I bruise so easy. We got no birth photos or newborn pictures. My boyfriend did get to cut the cord the first time he had been able to for any of his children so that was super special, unfortunately though we didnt get pictures of that either because that's when shit hit the fan... I ended up throwing up on baby girl so they took her from my chest. When I delivered I also tore and started to hemorrhage. I lost so much blood. Dr braatz put a silicon balloon in me and gauze to put pressure on everything to stop the bleeding. Which was so painful I couldnt move. I couldnt hold Madison the first three days of her life. Thank God for her dad because he stayed up 48 hours straight to take care of his girls until my mom came to help and even still he slept only a few hours in our truck in the hospital parking lot.

I tried to breast feed but because of the trauma my milk was delayed and eventually would disappear all together even after I tried for months to produce. Madison dropped down to 7 pounds 7 ounces because of this forcing us to supplement with formula.

They debated on giving me blood but then I had to have a blood transfusion and three units of blood. Dr. Peterson the doctor who took over because my doctor left town after delivering Madison said it was good they ended up giving me three units instead of 2 because I dropped lower then they had anticipated on my blood level unfortunately though the line closed in my blood vessel and I ended up with major bruising on my arm. I was a pin cushion for 5 days straight so they could keep track of my blood levels and make sure I was getting back to where I was suppose to be.

My hair was matted up and I hadn't showered for days.The silicon balloon and gauze were so painful to remove but once they were out I got to get up and hold my daughter for the first time and everything I had just went through was a distant memory. The nurses were so kind and helped me use the rest room and even shower which was a hard pill for me to swallow because I've always been so independent. Everything hurt and it was a long five day recovery, this was the hardest experience I've ever been through in my life but it was a prayer answered from above beacuse I wasnt suppose to be a mommy yet here was this little girl. ♡

Dr braatz saw me a week later and he came in and slumped down on his dr chair and looked at me and said "that was insane." I thanked him for saving my life. He told me he didnt want to leave on his vacation and he almost cancelled it because he was worried about me but that I was in good hands with Dr. Petterson and He advised me not to have anymore children because it would kill me next time....That was 4 months ago, today I look back and share my birth story blessed to be a mommy to a happy and healthy baby girl named Madison.