A little back story...

I’m 27 and have been suffering from endometriosis for years. I was told from the beginning I probably would never have kids of my own. When my husband and I got married we decided to try anyway and hope for the best. I got pregnant after 8 months of trying!!! But then I lost the baby at 6 weeks. Amazingly enough I got pregnant again immediately after the miscarriage and am now 15.3 weeks.

For the past 2 weeks I can’t stop worrying. I spend most of my day obsessing over miscarriages and what could go wrong. I’m terrified my baby is gone because I no longer have symptoms, and I don’t look pregnant at all.

I want this baby more than anything in the world, but I’m so scared it just isn’t going to work out. I try to occupy myself with projects or reading books. I try to look at my ultrasound pictures and reassure myself that the baby is healthy and thriving...but I can’t. My brain just doesn’t seem to want me to be happy and enjoy this. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this funk. I’m so sick of crying and stressing out.

My insurance screwed up a few weeks ago, so I’ve been in limbo, and will be until at least the 8th. So I haven’t seen my ob in over 5 weeks and won’t be able to for a minimum of 2/3 more. So I don’t have a medical provider to see or talk to, my husband just keeps saying to “calm down” and a friend I reached out to basically dismissed me. I’m sorry this is so long. If you actually took the time to read all this and/or respond, God bless you. I just need to get this out of my head, and hopefully stop feeling so alone in my fucked up head.