I feel like everything around me is crashing and burning. I’m on week seven of my maternity leave and I go back in a month, and I really don’t know how I’m going to do it. I work from 6:30 to 10:30 in the morning and 2 to 6 in the afternoon so I’ll never get to see my son on weekdays.

I work in education and I need a certification for work and I needed to come back as a level six and instead got a level two despite having 199 core knowledge hours since they are spread out in the right ratios. This puts my job at risk anyway. I’ll probably need to find a new one soon so that I can actually see my son.

I don’t know how my fiancé and I are going to manage a wedding and at this point I want to give up and just go to the courthouse but I know he doesn’t want that.

I’ve been dealing with random bouts of dizziness even when I’m sitting down and blurry vision and the worst headaches I’ve ever had. I’ve also developed my first canker sore which I thought I was lucky enough not to have to deal with.

My body is nowhere near where I’d like it to be, I have an extra 20 pounds on still and I’m afraid to diet because I’m breast-feeding. I feel like there’s no way I can be considered attractive anymore and I don’t even put myself together half the time.

I feel so isolated and so alone even having my family around me. I don’t feel like my fiancé helps with our son and whenever I bring it up he tells me he doesn’t know how or I’m better at it so he doesn’t want to try if i can do something faster or easier.

I’ve had severe anxiety since before I got pregnant but during pregnancy it peaked and my doctor prescribe me Xanax in my third trimester which I didn’t even know pregnant people could take (And a very b*tchy hospital nurse very openly judged me for using).

I just want to go back to some type of normal even if it’s not the normal I had before I got pregnant. I’m trying to keep going with college classes but it’s extremely difficult just to do one right now considering I started class two weeks after delivery.

I feel like I’ve been at my breaking point for weeks and I don’t know where to go or what to do.

I don’t want to hurt my son and I feel like I could be so much better as a mom but I’m not and I don’t know if I’m doing what’s best for him. I honestly feel like he likes my mom more than me and that’s a very hard thing to think about.

I just needed to vent, I know there’s not much I can do. I just feel like I have no one that I can go to with this. I have a few friends but they all have their own problems. I’m only 20 so all my friends are still in school and I don’t want to bother them with my problems especially since none of them are parents and most of them don’t want to be. I feel like this might be postpartum depression but I don’t know.