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You're looking way too into it.
Genuine Question: Why do people ask if other people want kids?
I can never seem to get a *good* reason out of people.
Is it just out of sheer, morbid curiosity?
Are you just following the lifescript of love, marriage, then of course, a baby?
Is it because you just really love babies and get excited about the idea of hanging out with one?
What if you don't even know the couple you're asking about? And will never actually meet them or see them?
This just happened to my husband and I. We just got married this past Sunday, and my mom made an announcement post on Facebook. Some older man, who neither I or my husband know, left a comment: "Bring on the grandbabies!"
I honestly don't know why this man cares so much about our reproductive choices that he felt a need to leave a comment, not about our wedding, but about our sex life.
So tell me, people who have asked this question in the past, or plan to in the future: Why?
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K�
Basic social interaction and conversation.... person holding a coffee, oh what's ur favorite coffee? Person holding a book, what type of books do you like? Person getting engaged, are u planning a wedding? Its just conversations..... they expect to get a reply, a conversation... maybe even a smile from the other person. As I said MOST people are excited to talk abouy things that make them happy... example, getting married and having babies makes for a generally Happy conversation.
As
Im a little bit ... i dont even know. Without trying to be offensive, you say youre a psychologist. Im studying psychology as part of my degree (not a psych degree) and the very basic thing taught is how to communicate, and professional levels of non-judgement and respect towards others, regardless of your personal opinion. I find this just an odd way to ask a question you genuinely from a psychological perspective want to know an answer to. The way you worded the question sounds as though youve already formed your opinion and seem to have an answer, just one you dont like and want to vent about? Which is why people probably arent giving you the answer to your actual question, and are rather just commenting and responding to your comments insinuating you clearly dont like being asked about babies. Im not sure where im actually going with this, i guess its just a bit confusing that a psychologist has asked a specific question pertaining to psychology, with such judgement, expecting a genuine answer?
Ho
But I'm not asking about answers, I'm asking about the question. Why do people ask other people about whether or not they're having kids? What motivates people to ask this question, and what do they expect to gain from whatever response they get?
I don’t think he is asking about your sex life lol well kinda but it’s not like he’s saying oh did your husband bend you over on your wedding night 😂 in all seriousness though I don’t think anyone means harm when asking it’s just a fact of life people have babies and people love babies you know? I wouldn’t think too much into it 😊
Saying 'bring on the grandbabies' has as much to do with your sex life as asking 'what is your due date' to a pregnant lady. Absolutely nothing.I think people leave, or deliberately ignore, intent, context and tone out of 'offensive' or 'annoying' offhand comments way too often. You are allowed to talk about these things, people have different levels of what is acceptable and what is normal, and thats okay, but in expecting other people to respect your thoughts on the conversation, you must respect theirs also. Some/lots of people have no issue discussing this and enjoy the conversation about it. I think this man said what he said, as a light hearted comment, didnt mean to offend you, didnt care at all about your sex positions or how frequently you bang, and honestly probably didnt actually care as to whether you were actually going to have a baby or not at all.If you dont feel comfortable with talking about the subject, by all means disclose that and a normal person will leave it be. But if its because it just annoys you ... well life is life my friend, and someone merely mentioning that grandbabies come next ... because generally that is what people do, and generally always have done ... is one of the lesser annoying things in life to be concerned about. And if you have trouble conceiving or staying pregnant, I understand that some people cope better than others in terms of being reminded about it or talking about it. But pregnancy occurs, its a natural process, and its normal to talk about. And if comments like that genuinely trigger you, I truly believe its up to you to deal with that, because from an emotional health standpoint, it shouldnt get to the point that you cant even hear the word baby or whatever without breaking down (not saying you are, just in general). That is not healthy, and the problem isnt societies, its yours to deal with.
As
Oh and to actually answer your question - i have asked because im curious. Sometimes i have asked because its a natural reflex, sometimes i have said it in the same manner as this man did, sometimes im discussing future plans with friends. It could be a number of different scenarios, and it is a-okay to show interest in other people.
Becoming a grandparent was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to my parents. They love my son more than me and my siblings and they aren’t shy about saying that. My parents want their friends to experience the joy grandchildren bring. The guy doesn’t give a fuck about your sex life, or you for that matter. He wants his friends to experience the joy of having grandchildren. 🙄
Having children is a common life event. Asking about them isn’t any different than asking where someone grew up, or if they went to college. I only consider it rude or invasive depending on context. “Why don’t you have children?” isn’t the same question as, “do you want children”. The follow up is also important. If they person says an answer is wrong or lectures about it, it’s a problem.
lk
^^This.
Yeah i dont really think its that serious.... random people saying “bring on the grandbabies” isnt a big deal..... me personally i dont ask unless i know someone well and their situation... but people ask innocently all the time “are you planning on children”. Its not a big deal. If you dont want o answer then dont.,,
We live in a baby crazed society. As someone who no longer has uterus and doesn't want kids. It is annoying as fuck to be asked when I am having kids. To me, it is very inappropriate to ask if/when people are having kids. If they don't want kids, don't ask why are tell them, they will change their mind.
I think you’re overreacting about the Facebook comment. He was likely just making a joke, as typically babies come after marriage. However, some people do take it too far. My dad is one of those people. I’m not even 18 yet (but I turn 18 in less than a week), and he won’t shut up about not being able to wait for grandkids. My older sister is gay and doesn’t want kids, so there’s not even the chance of her accidentally getting pregnant. So that means all of his comments about wanting grandkids go towards me and my boyfriend. That is taking it too far, imo.
Because they are nosy AF. I will never and have never asked that question because 1) it’s none of my business & 2) I’m not trying to upset someone who’s struggling with infertility or has had a miscarriage or stillborn.
💀
Yea I got married almost 5 years ago and I got it all the time. It was so annoying because I didn’t want kids yet and I was just starting school again. And the fucked up part was it was always people I’m not close with and almost exclusively ppl at my job. They only stopped asking after I had a miscarriage, but it shouldn’t have taken a miscarriage to make them stop.
Ho
I think this might be the closest answer to my question. There is something people considering quite fun and gossip-y about talking about people having kids isn't there? There's tons of special attention to be had when you're expecting to be a parent, and by asking couples if they're going to have kids makes you privy to special information that you can then gossip about later and get attention for yourself.
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