I have no idea where to post this πŸ˜‚πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

So I need advice on my dog's poopy butt lol. She's a fat dog (choc. lab) and doesn't clean herself after she takes a shit. Which means she smears it on stuff like the couch. I feel bad because she's not allowed on our couches (she has her own double reclining leather couch, ours are fabric). I wish she could sit with us on our couch and cuddle, but I'm not ok with the poop. Anyone else have this issue? I already have to change diapers, I don't want to have to wipe my dog's ass too every time she shits πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

ETA: Trying to respond, but I want to remain anonymous. I'm well aware how stupid I sound and I'm embarrassed πŸ˜‚ I'm not able to change her diet because she's diabetic and the set amount of insulin is based off of her diet. Her vet isn't really concerned as she's completely healthy otherwise.