Opinion on a relationship...

***Note: This persons life is none of my business and I only express things to this person when asked my opinion. This question is just to ask the opinion of other people. I will not be saying anything to them about this at all.

-* denotes pseudonym

This is a long story but I will summarize. My boyfriend’s brother James* recently broke up with his girlfriend of 8 years. He seemed very nonchalant about the whole thing overall; he did seem upset at the fact that it had ended given they had been together since they were 14 (21 now). Anyways... my boyfriend gets a call from his mother and she tells him James called his ex-girlfriend and told her he was going to hang himself. My boyfriends mother called around where he lives (the family lives in another state) and finally she received news from the police that they had found him at a local park with a noose in his trunk. My boyfriend and I (well really all his family) were extremely shocked because he did not seem like the type of person to do this (but really who is?).

Immediately after this situation he is placed in a facility (not sure what it’s called) and received treatment. About two weeks after this period he tells us about a girl he met while in the facility... he asks my opinion and I tell him that because he was so young when he first got into a relationship it most likely would be best to slow things down and focus on himself. He thinks this girl may be “the one” however and decides to pursue it. Currently, after less than two months, this girl had moved into his apartment with no job. So where is my issue here?

My issue isn’t entirely with this girl because a) I don’t know her b) his life is not my business. However, what I do have a problem with his how he used suicide to blame his ex-girlfriend. Now from many sources I’ve heard she was something else... but i still do not think anyone no matter how terrible they are should bear the brunt of having someone call them early in the morning saying they’re going to kill themselves because life can’t go on without them. Yes, James did this and at this point I do not think he believes it was wrong. His family, including my boyfriend, thinks Sadie* was wrong in ignoring his calls that night (she listened to his voicemails and that’s how she found out his plan) and think she is partially to blame. Moreover, from the time James came home from the hospital it seems as though he’s blamed the breakup on Sadie and none of it was entirely his fault. I can understand why he thinks this because, again from what I’ve heard, she wasn’t the brightest ray of sunshine and often said very rude things about other people regardless if she knew them along with being extremely jealous and possessive (apparently she beat up one of his coworkers because she got jealous). However, I know he is not perfect either. For one, he had an emotional affair (which both him and my boyfriend think is justified!) a couple of months before ultimately breaking up with Sadie. He claims this affair was his wake up call to leave because it showed him there are other people out there that will treat him right; he slept with the girl he had an emotional affair the night he broke up with Sadie... the relationship did not last long with that girl because she did not want to pursue it (he also said btw that this girl may be “the one” too).

So my questions are:

1. Do you believe Sadie was in her own right to not answer James’ call even when it was about him taking his own life?

2. Do you think James’ emotional affair was justified because of his already strained relationship with Sadie? What could he have done differently to end the relationship?

3. Do you think James should have slowed down instead of pursuing a relationship with a girl who also tried to take her own life because of an ex boyfriend?

*Note: none of this is being said back to this person. These questions and the story are just to know other people’s opinions on this situation.