I need advice 😕

I’m 19 years old an last year I found out I was pregnant my senior year of high school my boyfriend and I were extremely happy at the time his sister had found out she was pregnant also i went to the doctor my mom continuously tried to get me to have an abortion but I did a few weeks later April 1,2018 I was told that I wasn’t pregnant it was jus a chemical which broke my heart and a few months later my boyfriend and i have been ttc but it’s only led to more heart break my opportunity to have my blessing was taken from me and I still haven’t all the way healed even though it was a chemical I still thought maybe it was a mistake and that the doctors were wrong that I would still have my child I just really want my blessing our back ttc has been more heart breaking than anything