Looking for advice. And maybe help with my mom guilt.

Backstory. Before our rainbow who is 1 month old. My hubby and I wanted 2 kids. In a perfect world a boy and girl.

Getting pregnant was easy but staying pregnant was hard. I had 3 miscarriages all back to back.

In order to carry my rainbow I had to do progesterone suppositories. During pregnancy with her I developed high blood pressure and was borderline preeclampsia the whole last 14 weeks. I had stress test 2 times a week along with multiple visits.

I was induced at 37 weeks because I started to get protien in my urin and it was the start of PE.

Induction didn't go very well, because I was so swollen with my high blood pressure my iv slipped and was filling my body with meds instead of going into my blood stream. They had to end up bringing in a specialist with an ultrasound machine to find my vein and do the iv that way. During the epidural my body reacted negatively and both my daughter and myself heart rate sky rocked then basically flat lined. I didnt progress and needed a c section. Due to all complications during the labor I was knocked out during the c section and the nurses told me I was convulsing during the procedure.

After my c section I ended up hemorrhaging severely and now have became anemic for the rest of my life with my Hemoglobin hovering at a danger rate of 7.7

My heart tells me to only have my daughter and not another child but then my mind tells me I'm being selfish for not giving her a sibling. My thing is, will all these things happen again... what happens if I do it again and now cause so much stress on a baby that they have issues or are stillborn or we die in labor.

Anyone please I want all opinions. I go tomorrow to my dr appointment and I need to get birth control if that is what I'm doing. Thank you