I’ve always been kind of paranoid and anxious about life in general, but ever since I’ve been 11-12 and started developing more I’ve become distrustful of a lot of people in public. I know it’s not logical thinking, I know I need help, I know it’s not normal, but I just want some advice in the mean time. Ever since I’ve been young I’ve never really fit as a typical girl, or really felt like a real woman, so the fact that I hate my own body in a lot of ways half of the time doesn’t help.

In public I worry about others looking at me. I’ve never had an experience with sexual assault before, although I have had several (total strangers) guys show off for me, and although I feel I should take it as a compliment, I hate the random objectification and I worry about offending if I don’t react right. It makes me feel off in my own skin.

This next part is going to sound the worst, I think, but I’m usually uncomfortable around strange old men, even if they appear to be with a wife or another person. When ever one of them smiles at me or takes much notice, I want to just run and hide although I little show much reaction IRL.

I’ve gotten bruises on my palm from clenching my fists too hard when I’m in public and I’ve glared at people over my glasses before. My dad looks at my breasts occasionally, I just want to cut my fucking breasts off.

I’m only 14 but this world (especially the town I’m in) is awful to women. Sorry for mainly just ranting, but is there anything I can do to ease my fears?? I always dress conservatively and never make a first move. What can I do to feel safer around men while I grow up? I’m only 14-15.