Waiting

I keep seeing all these posts about “this month will be my month”. I sincerely hope this is the month you all get pregnant. I hope you all get your positive. I hope the heartbreak any of you have been feeling ends. It’s a good month to get pregnant. You won’t have to deal with the heat when you’re 9 months pregnant lol.

This is a weird month/time for me. We’ve been trying for 13 months with an ectopic loss last May. After all the heartbreak, pain (emotional and physical), negative tests, odd symptoms, etc, I got a second opinion at the beginning of this month. I’m scheduled for a laparoscopy in the middle of May. It’s odd to me but after that appointment, I don’t care right now if I get pregnant or not. Not that I’m done trying, but I want to find out what is going on with my body first. I’m just waiting, counting the days until surgery. I need to know if my tubes work right and if the cysts on my ovaries are endometriomas or just regular cysts. I need to find out if the pain I’ve been feeling for the last couple of years is endometriosis. I’m relieved that a doctor is finally listening to me and I’m almost happy that I’m getting surgery. I know it’s going to be rough but at least I’ll get some answers. It’s odd to me that all of a sudden I don’t mind not getting pregnant. It’s been a constant thought for over a year.

If you read this entire post, thank you. I don’t have many people in my life that I can discuss things with. I just had to get some stuff off my mind.