Raped

I'm 19 now jus finished my first year in college an I find out I have a Std and I was rapped my 12th grade year to by my ex boyfriend we wasn't together when the rap happened I feel so bad an disgusted why does bad things keep happening to me I'm really upset about the std that's what hurts me the most I cry myself to sleep almost every night for the past 4 months I don't know how to come back from this my family doesn't know about anything I'm to ashamed an I tried moving on but men look at me crazy when I tell them I jus ugh I want my life back I wanna be able to he happy an not be so depressed all the time when a man gives me a compliment I don't wanna think what's his ulterior motive you know this has completely fucked my life up 😔Any advice